Gravity’s rainbow sections 26-29 summary
Hello there, here is my humble contribution to this great reading group. Thanks to everyone involved and especially to bloomsdayclock for overseeing the logistics involved in this hefty operation. I am a tad late because I had to fill in for somebody at work yesterday. Furthermore, any mistakes made I will blame on the fact that my laptop broke down and I have written this thing on my phone.
My plan of attack is very simple. I will summarize the sections in a - I hope - lucid manner and make some simple observations about the text as we go along. Here and there I will point to some passages that I think are beautiful, astute or important; simple enough right? I don’t think it will be as a complex or exhaustive exegesis as my worthy predecessors have provided, but I do hope it will provide enough fuel for the discussion below. Let’s get into it!
SECTION 26 (part 5 of part 2)
We are nearing march 23d 1945 as “Wernher von Braun, [...] prepares to celebrate his 33rd birthday”. We have just been provided with some of the yuckiest scenes in the book so our lord and saviour, Pynchon, moves away from the morbid proclivities of the White Visitation and provides us with some more comically induced and lighthearted scenes, before we get into THE ZONE.
Slothrop has become more aware of the plot that has been created to his detriment. Therefore we are provided with the first of the proverbs for paranoids: “You may never get to touch the master, but you can tickle his creatures.” Through some paranormal activity he has been conversing with, or receiving necessary information from, Roland Feldspath about systems of control, and whatnot before he goes to Germany. Feldspath reminisces on a periodical, “Paranoid Systems of History”, in Germany which asserted that the hyperinflation was purposefully created to show the failures of the adherents of the Cybernetic Tradition. This is bolstered with some ruminations on the nature of entropy (not explicity) and the problem of Maxwell’s demon. This is to provide for the fact that the way of thinking of the rocket’s was reduced to a too simplistic notion by the scientists that created them. These scientists would only realize in death the mistakes they made. A foreshadowing (sorta) of Slothrop’s own rite of passage through this book.
(I think it is clear I’m having some trouble with going over this bit; if anyone feels inclined to feel in the gaps and maybe explain Maxwell’s demon in layman’s terms, that would be much appreciated.)
We are now (really) back at the casino, where slothrop stumbles into Hilary Bounce (from Shell) - who is going to learn him about propulsion. There are some things Slothrop needs to learn before he goes into the zone, among them are: the mechanics of propulsion; dialects like plattdeutsch (which just means something like ‘normal’ German - as opposed to ‘proper’ German); and also English English. Slothrop is thinking about and discussing with Bounce the curious nature and endeavors of Shell on both sides of the war. We are hit with the second proverb: “The innocence of the creatures is in inverse proportion to the immorality of the master”. Bounce shrugs Slothrop suspicions off by saying: “It’s only a “wild coincidence,” slothrop’”.
As part of Pointsman’s experiment Slothrop is learning about rockets via German blueprints. In such a blueprint a rather out of the ordinary insulation device catches his eye: Imipolex G. Rather than just plain out asking for more information, slothrop is a bit more slick. He gets one of his ladyfriends (Michele) to seduce bounce, so he can have Bounce’s teletype to ask about Imipolex G. This succeeds, Slothrop goes down to the same party where Bounce and Michele went to - and will read the info later.
SECTION 27 (Part 6 of 2)
This party is hosted by Raoul de la perlimpinpin who has been keeping this party going for a long while. Tonight instead of the usual spiking of the punch, the Hollandaise sauce has been flavored with some grass. Due to this people are asleep on the floor, and whoever is awake is eating everything they can get their hands onto. Slothrop receives “a kraft-paper envelope” to hold onto from swanky Blodget Waxwing - forgerist and arms dealer - to keep safe from Tamara(or Italo?). This he does for good reason as Tamara, for reasons très convoluté, shows up at the party in a Sherman Tank. Slothrop - in true hero fashion - saves the day. He receives a zoot suit and a nice keychain from Waxwing as was promised early.
I think this is a prime example of Pynchon’s visual (comedic) imagery! We get some more of this in the next sections (in the Raketwerke). I have read somewhere that this type of scene taps into cinema of this era, yet should not be viewed as Pynchon lauding popular movies, but it more so being a comment on this type of popular entertainment being not so necessarily good for our original thought. (It also exerts a certain amount of control by Them on Us, I guess?) Whilst this may be the case I think Pynchon also does it because he has a lot of fun doing this! It also shows how writers can use popular cinema to their advantage, by borrowing ‘cliché’ images and making them your own.
Of further interest is the fact that the loud noise did not cause an erection for Slothrop. Is this simply due to it being a tank and not a rocket? Or “because nobody was looking”, tapping into how an experiment can change when there is an observer vs. no observer? Furthermore, Waxwing says the tank scene did happen, but the scene with the octopus did not. This is because the octopus was planned? And therefore ‘artificial’? But the tank scene ‘natural’ and therefore ‘real’?
SECTION 28 (1) part 7 of part 2
Slothrop is reading about Imipolex G and we get some information on this plastic, but als on the scientific history of plastics in general and this one in particular. Of importance is the fact that: “Chemists were no longer to be at the mercy of Nature.” One of these chemists is Laslo Jamf who created Imipolex G for IG Farben ( IG = Interessegemeimschaft = syndicate/ cartel and farben = dyes) . Jamf was originally working Psychochemie AG (previously known as the Grossli Chemical corporation). Grössli was a spinoff from the Sandoz corporation. When the Germans (under the cover of IG Chemie) did business in Switzerland they bought a large chunk of Grössli stock the company was named Psychochemie AG. So both IG Farben and Psychochemie got access to the patent for Imipolex AG. Shell oil has info on Imipolex because of an agreement with Imperial chemicals (which is also partly owned by IG Farben) which stipulates they can sell it in the commonwealth. Psychochemie AG is still alive and kicking in their “old adress in the Schokoladestrasse in that Zürich, Switzerland.” Furthermore, the rockets that are falling on top of London “with the help of a transmitter on the roof of the headquarters of Dutch Shell”, share an “uncanny resemblance to one developed by British Shell at around the same time”. This information is being gathered by Mr. Duncan Sandys at the Shell mex house. A lovely bit of shady corporate dealings fuelled by malice and greed.
On the shell mex house, Slothrop stages a hypothetical raid with Waxwing. Wherein they find no signs of Evil but only “a rather dull room”. This prompts a rumination on Duncan Sandy’s role in this supposed plot who is just “a name only a function”, it is unclear where the plot ends and begins: this is due to Them who have made the organization charts (so what is the use in even asking this kind of question. Which leads into the third proverb (and my favorite): “If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about the answers.”
During slothrop’s rereading of the blue parts list which made him aware of imipolex G in the first place he finds a very special type of rocket: “‘S-Gerät, 11/000000.’” This is unusual because there he has come across an I- or J-Gerät but no S-. Furthermore he has not seen a rocket with so many zeroes before.
In the Casino Restaurant slothrop finds out (through a newspaper) about the death of his old pal Tantivy Mucker-Mafick. It is unclear whether this happened, if it happened who did it and why. What is clear is that Slothrop is getting increasingly paranoid.
He goes to Nice and tries to shake his tail by giving Claude the assistant chef his clothes and stealing a citroen with the keys in it (we find out later that They were still onto him in Nice though, but it’s a nice try!). Slothrop enters a hotel and on the top floor meets a mysterious “old motherly femme de chambre” (chamber maid). He shows her Waxwing’s card and she points him upstairs, where, there is a “kind of penthouse in the middle” here he finds three boys and girls smoking a thin cigarette of ambigious odor (might it be a cigarette dipped in acid? or is it just weed?). He shows them Waxwing’s card; he is not there, but Slothrop will get an id card the day after and a place to sleep.
After a rather unpleasant night of sleep filled with visits by various ghosts of the past: Murray Smile, Jenny, Katje and Tantivy. He is woken up by the noise of some American MPs and for the first time feels the threat their voices might hold for any non-American. His papers are brought up to his room. His new guise is Ian Scufflin, English war correspondent (hey that English English you have been learning might do you some good after all). With these new papers he’s off to Zurich!
SECTION 28 (2) Part 7 of part 2
After a long train ride he arrives in Zurich. During this ride he noticed the following in the landscape: “The war has been reconfiguring time and space into its own image. The track runs in different networks now. What appears to be destruction is really the shaping of railroad space to other purposes, intentions he can only riding through it for the first time begin to feel the leading edges of…” This is an important description of what the war has been doing and how it will affect the zone later on.
He checks into Hotel Nimbus and later makes its way to find the local Waxwing representative: a russian named Semyavin. They talk about information being/ becoming the currency of the world. “Is it any wonder the world’s gone insane with information come to be the only real medium of exchange?” (In the previous discussions Pynchon’s prescience has been a talking point; I find it to be especially strong in this small conversation between Slothrop and semyavin.) Semyavin provides Slothrop with three Zurich cafés that somebody with an interest in industrial espionage should check out. He begins loitering at these places, but is having trouble with sorting the corporate spies from the LOONIES ON LEAVE (from their “fancy asylums”).
He is accosted by a chorus of crazies and their keepers. In their song there is talk of entropy management, perpetual motion which has to do with Maxwell’s demon as well. This ties into the help Slothrop has been getting while giving nothing. Not realizing that he, himself is the information by which he is ‘paying’ for the help he’s been getting - as is similar to the way the problem of Maxwell’s demon was solved.
Furthermore there is this line where Slothrop is having trouble “telling Nuts from Keepers”. Which to me feels to be about a lot of things amongst which, the question of: who is in control vs. who is being controlled? And also about the maybe-not-so-rigid-difference between a nutcase and a genius. Which ties into Slothrop’s paranoia. Because in everyday use paranoia is seeing a connection between things that are not there, yet in this book it does not seem to be that negative (as Slothrop’s paranoia is by no means uncalled for). So are scientists who have their moment of eureka not paranoid crazies who are right and vice versa? Is a paranoid anything less than a genius who has not been able to prove the connection he sees? Or maybe I’m reading into these lines a bit much… Carrying on!
After the crazies have left him alone and some time flies by, Slothrop is chomping down on a bratwurst in Stragelli (one of the three cafés) and meets Mario Schweitar. Schweitar is from Sandoz a member of the swiss chemical cartel from the early 20’s remember? Which evolved into Psychochemie Ag (the German cover company). Slothrop sez: “I’d like anything they got on L. Jamf, a-and on that Imipolex G.’” Slothrop hears that getting this information will be difficult and also that Jamf is dead. For the info he wants, slothrop will need to raise 500 swiss Francs.
Semyavin advises him to pawn his zoot. He is not too keen on parting with it. Later he sees a car who is, ostensibly, checking him out, so we receive proverb 4: “You hide they seek”. In another attempt of hiding from them he calls his to his hotel from a restaurant asking: “‘can you possibly tell me if the British chap who’s been waiting in the foyer is still there, know…”’, this backfires, as a variety of people were watching him: they know know he knows.
As he’s killing time in the famous Cafe Odeon, he meets Fransisco Squalidozzi. They get friendly and Squalidozzi starts telling him about his heist of a German submarine and of his “plan to seek political asylum in Germany, as soon as the War’s over there…”, Slothrop does not get it as Germany’s a “mess”, Squalidozzi enlightens Slothrop with his perfectly logical reasoning. There is talk of the centralization of Argentina. The need to reign from Buenos Aires (entropy, control all that stuff). There is talk of Labyrinths. Labyrinths and Argentina? Ah there he is: “look at Borges.” Slothrop calls this centralizing progress. Squalidozzi waves slothrops (conservative Western) ideas away for mild insanity instead of rudeness. Squalidozzi further states that the war is changing something inherently: this gives him hope and is why he plans to settle there.
There are swiss people who want to assist squalidozzi in his anarchism-in-exile, he needs to get a message to Geneva. Slothrop can help him for some money. Anon, he flies there in a “battered DC-3”. He delivers the message with slickness that would make James Bond jealous. He goes back to Zurich by train, but gets off at a stop earlier at Schlieren in an attempt to lose his tail (which was succesful?). The next day he meets Schweitar to give him half his money in advance. They agree to close the deal (for info on Jamf and Imipolex G) in the mountains by Jamf’s grave. Slothrop is unable to find Squalidozzi though - so he can’t deliver his message to him…
Slothrop goes camping by Jamf’s grave and we get treated to this wonderful description of Zurich: “The city below him, bathed now in a partial light is a necropolis of church spires and weathercocks, white castle-keep towers, broad buildings with mansard roofs and windows glimmering by thousands. This forenoon the mountains are as translucent as ice. The lake is mirror-smooth but mountains and houses reflected down there remain strangely blurred with edges fine and combed as raind: a dream of Atlantis, of the Suggenthal. Toy villages, desolate city of painted alabaster…” Schweitar’s delivery boy comes along and gives him the goods. And we switch to Pointsman.
See you again in the zone Slothrop!
SECTION 29 part 8 of part 2
The white visitation has a small gathering at Whitsun by the sea. We find out they're in a bit of a crisis. They have lost Slothrop in Zurich or at least the secret service did. We recap to a duo called harvey speed and floyd perdoo who were/are investigating Slothrop’s sexual endeavors in London. They don’t do much though aside from eating and bickering with each other.
Pointsman is wondering when he is going to see it. He is worrying about data sets and of what can be perceived as truth/ trustworthy (evidentially vs. clinically). Slothrop being missing also causes worries at the Shell mex house, because Slothrop knows about some sensitive rocket stuff. Hehas information that Russians and Americans would be keen to have. Pointsman is also worrying about his team. So he organized a party to up the atmosphere a bit.
Pointsman, Mexico, Jessica, Dennis Joint and Katje are present. Mexico is having trouble with Jessica. Dennis Joint is eyeballing Katje who does not seem interested and Pointsman is losing his mind (what a fun get-together!). We also find out that Pirate Prentice has been asking about Katje at PISCES’ new brand office… for reasons unclear (for love or something else?). Pointsman starts up a conversation with Mexico that seems odd even for his standard. Then we find out in accordance with Murphy’s law or Gödels Theorem that there are actual Schwarzkommando’s in Germany (the hereros who will be explained thoroughly in the next sections). We go back to Pointsman losing control the party, the situation, his work, of Katje and of himself. And on this lovely note we end this section and part 2 of Gravity’s Rainbow!

Some quick background: I've been a casino dealer for going on three years now. I don't play casino games myself (for reasons we're about to get into), but I obviously have plenty of experience running the games and playing them in training. I'm intimately familiar with the game theory involved in casino games, as well as what I'll very loosely call the "strategy."
I'm also a huge gamer. I love games. Video games, card games, board games, role playing games... games are my number one hobby for sure. I love games, and I cannot fathom why some people think casino games are so fun (sans addiction reasons). I feel like every other adult around me doesn't even know what a good game looks like. They've been hypnotized into just accepting the shit that was plopped in front of them via peer pressure. "Hey, I'm bored." "Well, what if we went and threw away five hundred dollars?" "That doesn't sound fun." "Well, what if we did it slowly over the course of six hours while playing the worst fucking games imaginable?" "Oh boy, where's my coat!!?"
With that in mind: All the caisno games suck. All of them. While there are minute differences and flavors of awfulness, here are the blanket reasons casino games suck:

1. In most of the games (by design) there is very little strategy involved. Few choices, and the choices you do have barely matter if at all.
2. The games are dead simple. Which makes it all the more infuriating for me when I run down a game's rules inside of thirty seconds and a play says "That sounds too complicated!" Simple games can be fun for sure, but typically a good simple game that's THIS simple isn't meant to be played in as big of volumes as what are played in the casino.
3. A great deal of time spent playing most of these games are spent doing nothing/waiting.
4. There's little tactile feedback in most of these games. Some games you can handle a few cards, you can shuffle your chips, you can throw the dice, but typically even then, you're pretty limited in how much you can actually interact with the physical elements of the game.
5. The only reason these games are found at all interesting is the addition of risking money, which isn't the same thing as a real gameplay mechanic. You can bet money on anything; doesn't make it a good game.

And brief descriptions of the six most popular casino games:
Blackjack: A Price is Right game with all the personality sucked out.
Roulette: Guess what number I'm thinking of.
Craps: Roulette with a bell curve.
Baccarat: Blackjack but even less interactive. And with three dozen people playing the same hand.
Slots: Screen Savers you have to pay for. By the minute.
Poker: (Objectively the least shit casino game if only because there is at least some strategy involved. Boring strategy. But it is at least interactive enough that I can use a comparison to an actual game: Werewolf/Mafia.) It's Werewolf/Mafia but you don't get the satisfaction of watching the other players die horrible deaths.
It's just mind blowing to me that anyone can play these games for more than ten minutes... half an hour tops without losing their minds due to boredom. And I understand that some people are addicted. Trust me, I get that. But there are some people who will legitimately come and play a couple hundred dollars once a week for a few hours and even those people baffle me. You could have so much more fun with so much less money in my opinion.
"Oh, but what about making money?" - Well, if you're walking into the casino looking to make money, you're definitely not looking to have fun, that's for sure. And you're almost certainly not going to have fun either. Besides, like I said, money being on the line isn't a gameplay mechanic. It doesn't make a game better with the addition of it.
"You can get drunk can have fun!" - You could get drunk and have fun doing anything. There are thousands of hours of Youtube videos to prove this.
"It's fun with friends!" - Anything is fun with friends. And practically anything you do with your friends is more social than playing a casino game. I listen to the conversations that go on at tables, and they're all the same shit just saying the same thing about the game over and over. "This game is rigged!" "Oh my god I can't believe I won/lost that!" "One time I did a thing that wasn't very impressive/this is a lie/this anecdote is definitely going to suck." People so rarely have real conversations on a table and it's insane. I would much rather just sit around a table and shoot the shit with my friends than play a casino game with them; it would be a far more enjoyable experience.
In conclusion, I play a lot of games, I've dealt a lot of casino games and played enough of them in training to know that casino games are far and away the worst games I've ever played. Uninteractive, unsocial, uninteresting, unchaging, time consuming, money consuming utter shit. FFS, go buy Skyrim for $40. It's far more entertaining and far cheaper. Or if you want something to do with friends, buy Cards Against Humanity. Again, far cheaper, and far more fun. Want a fun night out on the town? Go to a bar or a local sports game (coming from someone who doesn't drink and doesn't much care for sports, I'd take either of those over the Casino), or go check out a local music act. If you really must be in a place to play a bunch of games, try a Barcade or a Dave & Busters. Again, far cheaper and much more fun to be had.

Based on the feedback and criticism I received when I made him, I decided to redesign him to make the RNG aspect a little less bullsh*t. So, here is the remade version of Ace!
If you aren't willing to read the whole thing to find differences, basically I changed it from randomly using one possibility on cast of an ability or reload, the possibility is preset on spawn. I also slightly tweaked Lucky Coin from Final Gambit to have all buffs apply and other slight fixes. I added the Epic skin that I wasn't able to think of, and backstory remains the same.

"When the cards are down, I'm always on top."

Profile
Real Name: Tristan Alleo
Age: 19
Occupation: Criminal, Gambler
Affiliation: The Ace In The Hole
Story
(If this is too vague for you, this link will bring you to his full story)
A boy ignored for all his life,
He had it hard and filled with strife.
Ignored by siblings, unseen by his parents
To everyone else, he was nothing, transparent
“I’ll show them all!” he thought one day
“I will make them see it my way!”
And so, with that, he put forth a guise
Built off of deception and lies
Talented and cunning, clever and smart
He knew just how to break one’s heart
With this persona, he committed some crimes
And he did it again, so many times
All his life, he had tried to belong
Only now does he see he was oh so wrong
A boy ignored, but it’s all the same.
Now they all shall know his name.
- A note left in a robbed bank vault, alongside a bloodied Ace of Spades
Gameplay
Health: 200
Role: Damage
Difficulty: * * *
Strengths: Ability to surprise enemies with new abilities each life, high and consistent damage at medium and short range
Weaknesses: Lack of movement options, possibility of not getting any good abilities
General Strategy: Due to the changes, the strategy changes a lot. You still generally play like Mccree, playing at medium to close range, attempting to 1v1. However, each unique loadout will change your strategy immensely, so play to it. The Royal Flush will be the most important factor in your strategy, so keep an eye on what loadout you have for it. Loaded Die is still best kept for crowd control, especially behind shields. Card Trick is still best for quick damage in a 1v1, and Coin Toss is still good for initiating fights, especially 1v1s. For Final Gambit, Bag of Dice and 52 Pickup are best for area denial and crowd control, while Lucky Coin is good for making a push or starting a large team fight.
Passive: Play The Odds
Ace, ever eccentric, designed his gun and tools very uniquely, allowing multiple versions to be used. On spawn and respawn, a random ammo type, Loaded Die number, Card Trick card, Coin Toss coin side, and ultimate are chosen from available options. These persist until you die and respawn again.
Primary Fire: Royal Flush
Ace's specially made pistol has been modeled to fire four types of ammunition, each with unique stats.

• Spade Shot - His Ace in the hole, the Spade Shot is a massive round that deals heavy damage.
  • Hitscan
  • Holds 1 shot, fires 1 shot per second
  • 120 damage with falloff, reducing to 90, falloff range being 30-45 meters
  • Can headshot
• Club Rounds - The most unique type, the Clubs Rounds split into three pieces on fire.
  • Arcing, at 40m/sec
  • Holds 21 shots, fires 1 shot per 0.8 seconds, uses three bullets per shot
  • 25 damage per round
  • Cannot headshot
• Diamond Bullet - Standard issue ammunition, stylized just for Ace.
  • Hitscan
  • Holds 13 shots, fires 2 shots per second
  • 50 damage with falloff, reducing to 30 falloff range being 25-45 meters
  • Can headshot
• Hearts of Lead - Powerful at any range, his Hearts of Lead are illegal in many countries.
  • Linear, at 80m/sec
  • Holds 6 shots, fires 1 shot per 0.75 seconds
  • 65 damage with no falloff
  • Can headshot
• Reload time: 0.5 seconds
• Beside the ammo count, the corresponding suit symbol is shown to indicate what you are firing
• For comparisons, Zenyatta's Orbs of Destruction move at 90m/sec

Ability 1: Loaded Die
Ace throws out a grenade, stylized as a die.

• Casting time: 0.1 seconds
• Projectile type: Arcing projectile
• Possibilities:
  • 1: Radius of 3 meters, damage of 60, projectile speed of 30m/sec, explodes on contact
  • 2: Radius of 5 meters, damage of 30, projectile speed of 50m/sec, explodes on contact with enemy or after 3 bounces, disables abilities for 3 seconds
  • 3: Radius of 4 meters, damage of 70, projectile speed of 20m/sec, explodes on contact with enemy or after 10 bounces, damages Ace for 50
  • 4: Radius of 2.5 meters, damage of 60, projectile speed of 25m/sec, explodes on contact with enemy or after 5 bounces, actively seeks out enemies
  • 5: Radius of 3 meters, damage of 40, projectile speed of 30m/sec, explodes on contact with a shield or after 6 bounces, contact with shield removes half the shields total health, actively seeks out shields
  • 6: Radius of 4 meters, damage of 50, projectile speed of 40m/sec, explodes on contact, Ace heals for 50% of damage dealt or gains extra Armor if Health maxes out
• Bouncing does include bouncing off walls, and all grenades except 5 go through shields without exploding
• Cooldown: 9 seconds
• For comparisons, Junkrat's Concussion Mines have a radius of 3m, and his Frag Launcher has a projectile speed of 25m/sec

Ability 2: Card Trick
Ace takes a card from in his sleeve, and flings it forward.

• Casting time: 0.2 seconds
• Projectile type: Linear Projectile
• Projectile speed: 60m/sec
• Range limit: 40 meters
• Possibilities:
  • Ace of Spades: Deals 75 damage, homes in on enemies.
  • Ace of Clubs: Deals 60 damage, after the Tricked Card moves 20 meters, splits into 3 pieces that travel at the same speed and deal 25 damage each
  • Ace of Hearts: Deals 50 damage, if the Tricked Card hits, Ace heals 80 health instantly.
  • Ace of Diamonds: Deals 60 damage, if the Tricked Card hits, target deals -25% damage for 7 seconds
  • Joker: Deals 30 damage, curves towards enemies, after the Tricked Card moves 30 meters, splits into 3 pieces that travel 50m/sec and deal 10 damage each, if the Tricked Card kills an enemy, Ace heals 50 Health and target deals -10% damage for 5 seconds (each split piece can individually trigger the healing and damage reduction)
• Cooldown: 11 seconds
• For comparisons, Zenyatta's Orbs of Destruction move at 90m/sec

Ability 3: Coin Toss
Ace tosses a coin, either healing himself or buffing himself.

• Cast time: 0.8 seconds
• Duration: 7 seconds
• Cooldown: 12 seconds

Heads

• Healing: 100 Health over the duration
• Damage taken: -10%

Tails

• Damage buff: +50% damage
• Speed buff: +25% movement speed

Ultimate: Final Gambit
Ace uses a powered up version of one of his abilities.
Ultimate Cost: 1890. To understand how Ultimate Costs work and how this affects things, I'll link the overwatch gamepedia on the subject: Link Here
Bag of Dice
Ace pulls out a bag, and throws it upwards. It explodes, and Loaded Dice start to rain from the sky.

• Cast time: 0.3 seconds
• Radius: 12 meters
• Amount of Loaded Dice: 40
• Duration: 8 seconds
• As opposed to bouncing, the Loaded Dice explode on impact.

52 Pickup
Ace pulls out a deck of cards, and flings it forwards. On contact, Tricked Cards start flying everywhere.

• Cast time: 0.2 seconds
• Projectile type: Linear
• Projectile speed: 80m/sec
• Amount of Tricked Cards: 52
• Duration: 10 seconds
• I'm the least sure of this one's balance. While 52 cards are a lot, they do spread out and fly in every possible direction, meaning it's a bit harder to be hit unless standing at the impact zone of the deck. Tell me your suggestions on how to tweak this one especially.

Lucky Coin
Ace takes out his golden coin, and flips it. He buffs allies in a multitude of ways.

• Radius: 10 meters
• Cast time: 0.4 seconds
• Duration: 10 seconds
• Effects:
  • Each character heals half their health over the duration (ex. Roadhog heals 30 health per second, tracer heals 7.5 health per second)
  • Damage taken: -10%
  • Ultimate Generation (besides Ace): +3% Ultimate Generation Rate
  • Damage buff: +25% damage
  • Speed buff: +25% movement speed
  • Cooldown times (besides Ace): -20% cooldown time

Personal Features

• Appearance: Ace is a light skinned male, standing 5 foot 3 inches, with a thinner body. He wears a long, flowing black suit jacket, with red running along the edges and his cuffs. In the inner pocket of his suit jacket, he has two pockets with decks of cards. Underneath this suit jacket, he wears a nice red suit, with a black Spade shaped bow tie. He wears a black top hat, with a red band running around it. Tucked into this band, you'll find an Ace of Hearts. On his face, he wears a mask that covers his eyes, with the right side being a red Diamond, and the left being a black Club. In his left hand, the one not holding his weapon, he has tucked a card up his sleeve. To get an idea at what his irregular suit jacket looks like compare to this image for the DnD Homebrew class Card Dealer.
  • Royal Flush: His weapon is a sleek jet black and crimson red pistol, with a black Spade on the barrel, a black Club on the butt end, a red Diamond on each clip he loads and has a Heart shaped muzzle. To get an idea at the color and basic shape of the gun, the best comparison is the Last Hand ornament for the Ace of Spades from Destiny 2.
• Personality: Ace acts very confident and charming, hiding his cunning and sneaky nature. When talking to other people, he tries to flatter them, and deceive them into trusting him.

Skins

• Rare
  • Winnings: Recolor to lighter and muted green
    • References bills, like the American or Canadian 20 dollar bills
  • Low Chips: Recolor to white, blue and green
    • References the typical Poker Chip colors for a chip worth 1, 10 and 25 dollars
  • High Chips: Recolor to pink, yellow and brown
    • References the typical Poker Chip colors for a chip worth 250, 1000 and 5000 dollars
  • Die: Recolor to black and white
    • References the colors of your typical die
• Epic
  • Bloody Spade: All black is switched to red, while red is switched to black. All red becomes deeper and more blood-like.
  • Inverted: All black is switched to white, while red is switched to cyan.
• Legendary
  • Joker: He wears a Jester outfit, if the name didn't give it away. The color of both the outfit and the Royal Flush are deep purple and sky blue.
  • Shark: Ace takes on a black tuxedo jacket, with the cuffs and inside shirt being red. His top hat is replaced with a black and red fedora, with a card slipped in. In his right chest pocket and up his sleeves, you'll find cards (SHOCKING!!!). He wears a bright white tie, and a heart shaped pin on the left side of his chest.
    • Skin Description: While Ace is a talented criminal who evades the law and generally screws up people's lives, he will always find time to visit a casino, wearing an "inconspicuous" outfit,
  • Robber: Wears a black jacket, jeans, sunglasses, black bandanna wrapped around his mouth and nose, and a cap. Meant to hide his identity by showing as little as possible. The Royal Flush loses all color and style, and just looks like your typical pistol.
    • Skin Description: His first ever heist went without a hitch, and let him fire a weapon for the first time. He enjoyed the feeling, and kept going back to rob banks over and over again, leading him to where he is today.
  • Lavished: Ace is adorned with gold chains and diamond rings, shaped as the four suits. His suit jacket turns to a shining silver, and his cards are outlined in a glowing gold.
    • Skin Description: Despite never stealing and committing crimes for the money, he had so much of it that he made himself this ridiculously over the top outfit.
• Golden Gun
  • If I could make it so, I'd have two golden gun options: One of them turns Royal Flush's crimson red to gold, and the other turns it's jet black to gold. If this would be the case, the respective cards would turn gold accordingly, and the dice would turn gold too.

And there's Ace for you, but revamped! Tell me if these changes change him to be a bit better. As always, all criticism and feedback are welcome!
Also, just for you McMetas, I added Voice Lines, Interactions, Emotes, Victory Poses and Highlight Intros in this doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RzQLD3KctR29FxGGrt6-bfwrXwDbhUJfAOQ7JjAQUEk/edit?usp=sharing. The doc is able to be commented on, so add your suggestions into the doc if you want.

(This is outdated. I made an updated version that changes how his abilities and weapon function.)
Ace is much more based around his aesthetic than anything else. I've always had a thing for a gambler and card aesthetic, and he is the result. He is very RNG based, so hate on that all you want. I know RNG doesn't have a place in Overwatch, but it fits the theme, so hear me out first. I tried to design it so that RNG isn't going to be what kills you.

"When the cards are down, I'm always on top."

Profile
Real Name: Tristan Alleo
Age: 19
Occupation: Criminal, Gambler
Affiliation: The Ace In The Hole
Story
(If this is too vague for you, this link will bring you to his full story)
A boy ignored for all his life,
He had it hard and filled with strife.
Ignored by siblings, unseen by his parents
To everyone else, he was nothing, transparent
“I’ll show them all!” he thought one day
“I will make them see it my way!”
And so, with that, he put forth a guise
Built off of deception and lies
Talented and cunning, clever and smart
He knew just how to break one’s heart
With this persona, he committed some crimes
And he did it again, so many times
All his life, he had tried to belong
Only now does he see he was oh so wrong
A boy ignored, but it’s all the same.
Now they all shall know his name.
- A note left in a robbed bank vault, alongside a bloodied Ace of Spades
Gameplay
Health: 200
Role: Damage
Difficulty: * * *
Strengths: Unpredictability, high and consistent damage at medium and short range
Weaknesses: Unreliable fire and abilities, lack of movement options, preparation required for ultimate to be effective
General Strategy: While your abilities have many distinct possibilities, they each have the same general purpose. Loaded Die is good for crowd control, especially when thrown behind shields, Card Trick is good for single target and Coin Toss is good to initiate a 1v1. On the other hand, your weapon might change your strategy a lot, so adapt to it. Final Gambit should be prepared before entering a fight to guarantee you get the outcome you want. Generally, play like Mccree at medium to close range, attempting to 1v1.
Primary Fire: Royal Flush
Ace's specially made pistol has been modeled to fire four types of ammunition, each with unique stats.

	Spade Shot	Club Rounds	Diamond Bullet	Heart of Lead
Firing type	Hitscan	Arcing projectiles	Hitscan	Linear projectile
Projectile speed	N/A	40m/sec	N/A	80m/sec
Ammo consumption	1 shot only	3 per shot, out of 21	1 per shot, out of 13	1 per shot, out of 6
Fire rate	1 shot per second (only in custom games with increased ammo)	1 shot per 0.8 seconds	2 shots per seconds	1 shot per 0.75 seconds
Damage	120-90	25 damage per round	50-30	65
Headshots	Yes	No	Yes	Yes
Falloff Range	30-45m	No range limit	25-45	No range limit
Description	His Ace in the hole, the Spade Shot is a massive round that deals heavy damage.	The most unique type, the Clubs Rounds split into three pieces on fire.	Standard issue ammunition, stylized just for Ace.	Powerful at any range, his Hearts of Lead are illegal in many countries.

• Reload time: 0.5 seconds
• Beside the ammo count, the corresponding suit symbol is shown to indicate what you are firing
• For comparisons, Zenyatta's Orbs of Destruction move at 90m/sec

Ability 1: Loaded Die
Ace throws out a grenade, stylized as a die.

• Casting time: 0.1 seconds
• Projectile type: Arcing projectile
• Possibilities:
  • 1: Radius of 3 meters, damage of 60, projectile speed of 30m/sec, explodes on contact
  • 2: Radius of 5 meters, damage of 30, projectile speed of 50m/sec, explodes on contact with enemy or after 3 bounces, disables abilities for 3 seconds
  • 3: Radius of 4 meters, damage of 70, projectile speed of 20m/sec, explodes on contact with enemy or after 10 bounces, damages Ace for 50
  • 4: Radius of 2.5 meters, damage of 60, projectile speed of 25m/sec, explodes on contact with enemy or after 5 bounces, actively seeks out enemies
  • 5: Radius of 3 meters, damage of 40, projectile speed of 30m/sec, explodes on contact with a shield or after 6 bounces, contact with shield removes half the shields total health, actively seeks out shields
  • 6: Radius of 4 meters, damage of 50, projectile speed of 40m/sec, explodes on contact, Ace heals for 50% of damage dealt or gains extra Armor if Health maxes out
• Bouncing does include bouncing off walls, and all grenades except 5 go through shields without exploding
• Cooldown: 9 seconds
• For comparisons, Junkrat's Concussion Mines have a radius of 3m, and his Frag Launcher has a projectile speed of 25m/sec

Ability 2: Card Trick
Ace takes a card from in his sleeve, and flings it forward.

• Casting time: 0.2 seconds
• Projectile type: Linear Projectile
• Projectile speed: 60m/sec
• Range limit: 40 meters
• Possibilities:
  • Ace of Spades: Deals 75 damage, homes in on enemies
  • Ace of Clubs: Deals 60 damage, after the Tricked Card moves 20 meters, splits into 3 pieces that travel at the same speed and deal 25 damage each
  • Ace of Hearts: Deals 50 damage, if the Tricked Card hits, Ace heals 80 health instantly.
  • Ace of Diamonds: Deals 60 damage, if the Tricked Card hits, target deals -25% damage for 7 seconds
  • Joker: Deals 30 damage, curves towards enemies, after the Tricked Card moves 30 meters, splits into 3 pieces that travel 50m/sec and deal 10 damage each, if the Tricked Card kills an enemy, Ace heals 50 Health and target deals -10% damage for 5 seconds (each split piece can individually trigger the healing and damage reduction)
• Cooldown: 11 seconds
• For comparisons, Zenyatta's Orbs of Destruction move at 90m/sec

Ability 3: Coin Toss
Ace tosses a coin, either healing himself or buffing himself.

• Cast time: 0.8 seconds
• Duration: 7 seconds
• Cooldown: 12 seconds

Heads

• Healing: 100 Health over the duration
• Damage taken: -10%

Tails

• Damage buff: +50% damage
• Speed buff: +25% movement speed

Ultimate: Final Gambit

"Time to roll the odds."

Ace pulls out one of his abilities, and uses a souped-up version of it.
On cast, Ace pulls out a glowing die, a straight flush, or golden coin. Casting again activates the respective Ultimate, while firing cancels it. Cancelling doesn't drain your ult, but you must wait one whole second to try again.
Ultimate Cost: 1890. To understand how Ultimate Costs work and how this affects things, I'll link the overwatch gamepedia on the subject: Link Here
Bag of Dice
Ace pulls out a bag, and throws it upwards. It explodes, and Loaded Dice start to rain from the sky.

• Cast time: 0.3 seconds
• Radius: 12 meters
• Amount of Loaded Dice: 40
• Duration: 8 seconds
• As opposed to bouncing, the Loaded Dice explode on impact.

52 Pickup
Ace pulls out a deck of cards, and flings it forwards. On contact, Tricked Cards start flying everywhere.

• Cast time: 0.2 seconds
• Projectile type: Linear
• Projectile speed: 80m/sec
• Amount of Tricked Cards: 52
• Duration: 10 seconds
• I'm the least sure of this one's balance. While 52 cards are a lot, they do spread out and fly in every possible direction, meaning it's a bit harder to be hit unless standing at the impact zone of the deck. Tell me your suggestions on how to tweak this one especially.

Lucky Coin
Ace takes out his golden coin, and flips it. He either heals allies and increases their ultimate germination, or buffs them and lowers their cool down times.

• Radius: 10 meters
• Cast time: 0.4 seconds
• Duration: 10 seconds

Heads

• Each character heals half their health over the duration (ex. Roadhog heals 30 health per second, tracer heals 7.5 health per second)
• Damage taken: -25%
• Ultimate Generation (besides Ace): +5% Ultimate Generation Rate

Tails

• Damage buff: +50% damage
• Speed buff: +25% movement speed
• Cooldown times (besides Ace): -20% cooldown time

Personal Features

• Appearance: Ace is a light skinned male, standing 5 foot 3 inches, with a thinner body. He wears a long, flowing black suit jacket, with red running along the edges and his cuffs. In the inner pocket of his suit jacket, he has two pockets with decks of cards. Underneath this suit jacket, he wears a nice red suit, with a black Spade shaped bow tie. He wears a black top hat, with a red band running around it. Tucked into this band, you'll find an Ace of Hearts. On his face, he wears a mask that covers his eyes, with the left side being a red Diamond, and the left being a black Club. In his left hand, the one not holding his weapon, he has tucked a card up his sleeve. To get an idea at what his irregular suit jacket looks like compare to this image for the DnD Homebrew class Card Dealer.
  • Royal Flush: His weapon is a sleek jet black and crimson red pistol, with a black Spade on the barrel, a black Club on the butt end, a red Diamond on each clip he loads and has a Heart shaped muzzle. To get an idea at the color and basic shape of the gun, the best comparison is the Last Hand ornament for the Ace of Spades from Destiny 2.
• Personality: Ace acts very confident and charming, hiding his cunning and sneaky nature. When talking to other people, he tries to flatter them, and deceive them into trusting him.

Skins

• Rare
  • Winnings: Recolor to lighter and muted green
    • References bills, like the American or Canadian 20 dollar bills
  • Low Chips: Recolor to white, blue and green
    • References the typical Poker Chip colors for a chip worth 1, 10 and 25 dollars
  • High Chips: Recolor to pink, yellow and brown
    • References the typical Poker Chip colors for a chip worth 250, 1000 and 5000 dollars
  • Die: Recolor to black and white
    • References the colors of your typical die
• Epic
  • Bloody Spade: All black is switched to red, while red is switched to black. All red becomes deeper and more blood-like.
  • Can't think of a second one. Sorry!
• Legendary
  • Joker: He wears a Jester outfit, if the name didn't give it away. The color of both the outfit and the Royal Flush are deep purple and sky blue.
  • Shark: Ace takes on a black tuxedo jacket, with the cuffs and inside shirt being red. His top hat is replaced with a black and red fedora, with a card slipped in. In his right chest pocket and up his sleeves, you'll find cards (SHOCKING!!!). He wears a bright white tie, and a heart shaped pin on the left side of his chest.
    • Skin Description: While Ace is a talented criminal who evades the law and generally screws up people's lives, he will always find time to visit a casino, wearing an "inconspicuous" outfit,
  • Robber: Wears a black jacket, jeans, sunglasses, black bandanna wrapped around his mouth and nose, and a cap. Meant to hide his identity by showing as little as possible. The Royal Flush loses all color and style, and just looks like your typical pistol.
    • Skin Description: His first ever heist went without a hitch, and let him fire a weapon for the first time. He enjoyed the feeling, and kept going back to rob banks over and over again, leading him to where he is today.
  • Lavished: Ace is adorned with gold chains and diamond rings, shaped as the four suits. His suit jacket turns to a shining silver, and his cards are outlined in a glowing gold.
    • Skin Description: Despite never stealing and committing crimes for the money, he had so much of it that he made himself this ridiculously over the top outfit.
• Golden Gun
  • If I could make it so, I'd have two golden gun options: One of them turns Royal Flush's crimson red to gold, and the other turns it's jet black to gold. If this would be the case, the respective cards would turn gold accordingly, and the dice would turn gold too.

And there's Ace for you! I hope you can accept that I incorporated RNG into this character to fit the theme, and how hard I tried to make it not too impactful on the overall kit. I also tried something new with the story, opting to tell it through a poem, despite my inability to write one. Tell me if you like this style of not telling you the whole story, I have an idea in the works that tells it's story in a similar way. Of course, all criticism and feedback are welcome!

Oklahoma City's event list.

Wednesday, Feb 12th

• All Hearts Headquarters - A Valentine's Week Pop Up (Kasum Contemporary Fine Art - Oklahoma City) Thru Fri, Feb 14th Start Time: 10:00am A week of local shopping leading up to Live! On The Plaza and Valentine's Day! 1706 NW 16th St. | Plaza District Feb 8th - 14th | 10am - 7pm Closed Monday Featuring: Ohclay okc Urban Elm Co. Now accepting vendor applications. $150 for the week. Tables and chairs available. Email [email protected]
• 🍴 Anthem Drown Night! (HiLo Club - Oklahoma City) Our local friends at Anthem Brewing Co. have some great beers! Every Wednesday night from 9pm to close enjoy $8 Drown Night! Their Power Pils will be flowing!
• 🎓 Breakout! Escape Room: Where in the World is Valentino Cupid? (The Village Library - The Village) Start Time: 4:00pm . Add it to your calendar. Add to Google Calendar Add to iCal Share This Event Let your friends know about this event! Share it on social media. Facebook Twitter Email Program Type: Science & STEAM Age Group: Teens Registration for this event will close on February 12, 2020 @ 4:00pm . There are 15 seats remaining. Event Description
• 🎭 Cabaret (Oklahoma Christian University, Edmond, OK - Edmond) Thru Fri, Feb 14th Start Time: 7:30pm Each year, OC students put on Cabaret, a musical performance featuring songs from various musicals. You're sure to have fun as they dance and sing their way through songs of love, joy, sadness, humor and happiness. Look for tickets in January! Directions: Once you arrive to campus, take the main entrance on Memorial Rd. Then, turn into the…
• Candygrams for a Cause (Downtown - Edmond) Thru Fri, Feb 14th Help the Downtown Edmond Business Association raise money for Free to Live Animal Sanctuary. Cost is $2 per candygram or 6 for $10. They can be purchased at Rumors Salon, Broadway Antiques, Michelle Schaefer Insurance, Mainstream Boutique and Silver Leaf Gems.
• 🎨 deadCenter Docs + Art Moves (Oklahoma City Museum of Art - Oklahoma City) Thru Sat, Feb 15th Start Time: 2:30pm Join us for our FREE series of deadCenter Documentaries! Screening at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art. 01/24 | Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo (2009 / 90 min) Director Bradley Beesley 02//28 | Beauty is Embarrassing (2012 / 88 min) Director Neil Berkeley 03//27 | Dealt (2017 / 85 min) Director Luke Korem 04//24 | Tower (2016 / 82 min) Director…
• FREE Team Trivia (Othello's of Norman - Norman) Start Time: 8:00pm Join us at Othello's every Wednesday for FREE Team Trivia! Hosted by Challenge Entertainment, every Wednesday the fun is at Othello's! Play solo or bring a team of friends. There is no cost to play. Prizes available for top three finishing teams.
• 🎨 Hearts for Art (Western Heritage Museum - Oklahoma City) Thru Fri, Feb 14th Start Time: 12:00pm One day to celebrate love is not enough! Visit the Museum any time from February 1 – 14 and show your love for your favorite piece of art or artifact. Pick up a heart at the Visitor Services desk, leave it by your selection and share on social media using #MyWest and #HeartsForArt. While visiting, pick up the “Find the Love” guide, a…
• 🍴 Junction Coffee Wednesdays (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 7:00am Wednesdays, 7am-3pm Junction Coffee will park its double-decker bus curbside at the Devon Lawn
• 😂 Nick Griffin (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2
• 🏆 Oklahoma men's basketball vs. Iowa State (The Lloyd Noble Center - Norman) Start Time: 2:00pm
• Reading Wednesday (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 10:00am Reading Wednesdays Every Wednesday, at 10 am The Visitor Center FREE Best for ages 2 to 5 NO READING WEDNESDAY ON DECEMBER 25 AND JANUARY 1 Bring your toddler for story time each Wednesday at 10 am. Books are nature-themed and selected based on the season. We’ll begin with an interactive song and children will enjoy creating a small craft…
• ♪ UCO Jazz Ensembles I and III in Concert (UCO Jazz Lab - Edmond) Start Time: 7:00pm UCO Jazz Ensembles I and III perform; Midwest City HS will be guests. For more info, visit https://www.uco.edu/cfad/events
• Van Darien (The Deli - Norman) Start Time: 10:00pm
• Van Darien + Indianola // The Deli - Norman, OK // 2/12 (The Deli - Norman) Start Time: 7:00pm https://www.vandarien.com https://www.indianolamusic.com Heartbreakingly honest observations by Van Darien from her upcoming album, Levee. The 10-song LP, colored by moody baritone guitars, swelling pedal steel, thick booming drums, and haunting vocals, beckons a dreamscape of both beauty and darkness. Van Darien dives deep into her roots and…

Thursday, Feb 13th

• All Hearts Headquarters - A Valentine's Week Pop Up (Kasum Contemporary Fine Art - Oklahoma City) 1 day left Start Time: 10:00am A week of local shopping leading up to Live! On The Plaza and Valentine's Day! 1706 NW 16th St. | Plaza District Feb 8th - 14th | 10am - 7pm Closed Monday Featuring: Ohclay okc Urban Elm Co. Now accepting vendor applications. $150 for the week. Tables and chairs available. Email [email protected]
• 🎭 Ballet Folclorico Nacional De Mexico De Silvia Lozano (Armstrong Auditorium - Edmond) Start Time: 7:30pm
• 🎭 Blood Wedding (Weitzenhoffer Theatre - Norman) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 8:00pm OU University Theatre and Helmerich School of Drama presentation. Federico Lorca’s passionate tragedy Blood Wedding, set in southern Spain, portrays the heated rivalry of two families, and the rivalry of two men for a woman struggling between the attraction of a wealthy fiancé and her ex-lover. When her decision to marry is governed by pride,…
• 🎭 Cabaret (Oklahoma Christian University, Edmond, OK - Edmond) 1 day left Start Time: 7:30pm Each year, OC students put on Cabaret, a musical performance featuring songs from various musicals. You're sure to have fun as they dance and sing their way through songs of love, joy, sadness, humor and happiness. Look for tickets in January! Directions: Once you arrive to campus, take the main entrance on Memorial Rd. Then, turn into the…
• Candygrams for a Cause (Downtown - Edmond) 1 day left Help the Downtown Edmond Business Association raise money for Free to Live Animal Sanctuary. Cost is $2 per candygram or 6 for $10. They can be purchased at Rumors Salon, Broadway Antiques, Michelle Schaefer Insurance, Mainstream Boutique and Silver Leaf Gems.
• Cupid’s Conservatory (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm Thursday, February 13 & Friday, February 14, Noon-4pm Visitor Center, south entrance Need a special gift for your Valentine? Shop for delicious treats like Bedré Chocolates, as well as local gifts, in the Crystal Bridge Visitor Center. Your gift purchases will enter you into a drawing for a giveaway prize.
• 🎭 Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood Live! in Oklahoma City, OK (RSC @ OKC Innovation Station - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 3:30pm Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood Live! Neighbor Day “Won’t you be my neighbor?” Daniel Tiger and all of his friends from the beloved PBS KIDS television series are hopping aboard Trolley to your town with DANIEL TIGER’S NEIGHBORHOOD LIVE! Along with “O” the Owl, Katerina Kittycat, Prince Wednesday, Mom and Dad Tiger and many more, Daniel…
• 🎓 Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood Live! Neighbor Day (Rose State College Hudiburg Chevrolet Center - Midwest City) Start Time: 7:00pm Tickets are $25, $37.50, $50 & $75* | $5 increase day of show VIP tickets include the best seats in the house and a post-show meet and greet with the characters. *Ages 1 & up require a ticket Tickets are available by calling 405-297-2264 or in person at the Civic Center Box Office To RSVP to the official Facebook event and for special pre-sale…
• 🎨 deadCenter Docs + Art Moves (Oklahoma City Museum of Art - Oklahoma City) Thru Sat, Feb 15th Start Time: 2:30pm Join us for our FREE series of deadCenter Documentaries! Screening at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art. 01/24 | Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo (2009 / 90 min) Director Bradley Beesley 02//28 | Beauty is Embarrassing (2012 / 88 min) Director Neil Berkeley 03//27 | Dealt (2017 / 85 min) Director Luke Korem 04//24 | Tower (2016 / 82 min) Director…
• Fifty-First RV Super Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Oklahoma City's Top RV Dealers host the 51st Annual RV Super Show at the State Fair Park. This family friendly event will feature America's top RV brands with both towable and motorized--all at low show pricing along with tow vehicles & Powersports vehicles. Also on display
• 🎭 Green Jello LIVE (Your Mom's Place - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm Headliner: Green Jelly Main Support: Corkscrew Nosedive
• 🎨 Hearts for Art (Western Heritage Museum - Oklahoma City) 1 day left Start Time: 12:00pm One day to celebrate love is not enough! Visit the Museum any time from February 1 – 14 and show your love for your favorite piece of art or artifact. Pick up a heart at the Visitor Services desk, leave it by your selection and share on social media using #MyWest and #HeartsForArt. While visiting, pick up the “Find the Love” guide, a…
• 😂 Nick Griffin (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2
• Romeo & Juliet (Oklahoma Shakespeare In The Park - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 8:00pm What if your first true love was someone youd been told to hate? Two young people torn apart by a divided society and forbidden love will risk everything to be together. The most famous story of love at first sight explodes with intense passion and an irresistible desire for change. Will this spark a civil war, or will division continue to tear…

Friday, Feb 14th

• All Hearts Headquarters - A Valentine's Week Pop Up (Kasum Contemporary Fine Art - Oklahoma City) Last Day Start Time: 10:00am A week of local shopping leading up to Live! On The Plaza and Valentine's Day! 1706 NW 16th St. | Plaza District Feb 8th - 14th | 10am - 7pm Closed Monday Featuring: Ohclay okc Urban Elm Co. Now accepting vendor applications. $150 for the week. Tables and chairs available. Email [email protected]
• 🎭 Blood Wedding (Weitzenhoffer Theatre - Norman) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 8:00pm OU University Theatre and Helmerich School of Drama presentation. Federico Lorca’s passionate tragedy Blood Wedding, set in southern Spain, portrays the heated rivalry of two families, and the rivalry of two men for a woman struggling between the attraction of a wealthy fiancé and her ex-lover. When her decision to marry is governed by pride,…
• 🎭 Broadway Tonight: 10 Hairy Legs 2/14/2020 7:30 PM (University of Central Oklahoma - Edmond) Start Time: 7:30pm We are thrilled to welcome 10 Hairy Legs, an all-male repertory dance company performing exquisite works from some of the most well-known choreographers in modern dance today. The company strives to advance the understanding of the male role in dance through the creation, acquisition and performance of exceptional work. 10 Hairy Legs will be…
• 🎭 Cabaret (Oklahoma Christian University, Edmond, OK - Edmond) Last Day Start Time: 7:30pm Each year, OC students put on Cabaret, a musical performance featuring songs from various musicals. You're sure to have fun as they dance and sing their way through songs of love, joy, sadness, humor and happiness. Look for tickets in January! Directions: Once you arrive to campus, take the main entrance on Memorial Rd. Then, turn into the…
• Candygrams for a Cause (Downtown - Edmond) Last Day Help the Downtown Edmond Business Association raise money for Free to Live Animal Sanctuary. Cost is $2 per candygram or 6 for $10. They can be purchased at Rumors Salon, Broadway Antiques, Michelle Schaefer Insurance, Mainstream Boutique and Silver Leaf Gems.
• 🎭 CityRep's Sexy Laundry (Oklahoma City Repertory Theatre - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 7:30pm
• Cupid’s Conservatory (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm Thursday, February 13 & Friday, February 14, Noon-4pm Visitor Center, south entrance Need a special gift for your Valentine? Shop for delicious treats like Bedré Chocolates, as well as local gifts, in the Crystal Bridge Visitor Center. Your gift purchases will enter you into a drawing for a giveaway prize.
• 🎨 deadCenter Docs + Art Moves (Oklahoma City Museum of Art - Oklahoma City) 1 day left Start Time: 2:30pm Join us for our FREE series of deadCenter Documentaries! Screening at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art. 01/24 | Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo (2009 / 90 min) Director Bradley Beesley 02//28 | Beauty is Embarrassing (2012 / 88 min) Director Neil Berkeley 03//27 | Dealt (2017 / 85 min) Director Luke Korem 04//24 | Tower (2016 / 82 min) Director…
• 😂 Driving Miss Daisy (Pollard Theatre - Guthrie) by Alfred Uhry
• Fifty-First RV Super Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Oklahoma City's Top RV Dealers host the 51st Annual RV Super Show at the State Fair Park. This family friendly event will feature America's top RV brands with both towable and motorized--all at low show pricing along with tow vehicles & Powersports vehicles. Also on display
• 🎨 Gallery Reception - Lauren Midgley - "A Thin Place" (The Depot - Norman) Start Time: 6:00pm Lauren Midgley is a self-taught photographer and photoshop enthusiast. She studied fine arts at Texas Tech University and began her journey with photography in 2015 with her chosen focus being Conceptual Fine Art Photography. In her exploration of photography as an artistic medium, she says she found herself "increasingly frustrated and limited…
• 🎭 The Great American Trailer Park Musical (The Boom - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm
• 🎨 Hearts for Art (Western Heritage Museum - Oklahoma City) Last Day Start Time: 12:00pm One day to celebrate love is not enough! Visit the Museum any time from February 1 – 14 and show your love for your favorite piece of art or artifact. Pick up a heart at the Visitor Services desk, leave it by your selection and share on social media using #MyWest and #HeartsForArt. While visiting, pick up the “Find the Love” guide, a…
• Jon Wolfe (Diamond Ballroom - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 7:00pm Come spend Valentine's Day with us! See y'all on Feb. 14. Get your tickets early!
• LIVE! on the Plaza: LOVE on the Plaza (Plaza District - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 6:00pm LIVE! on the Plaza is the Plaza District's free & monthly artwalk featuring art shows, live entertainment, great food and local shopping. Join us as we celebrate one of Oklahoma City's best monthly festivals!
  More details to be announced!
  Join the Friends of the Plaza VIP experience: The Friends of the Plaza are the Plaza District’s…
  
• Mix-Tape V-Day Bash! (Factory Obscura - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm JOIN FACTORY OBSCURA FOR THE BIGGEST VALENTINE’S BASH IN OKC
  On February 14, we’ve conjured up a mix of musicians and songwriters, poets and movement artists, brew masters, and more into a celebration of collaboration and feel-good fun.
  Rock out to 4 live bands on our Wonder Stage performing original songs inspired by the Mix-Tape…
  
• OKC Ballet's Romeo & Juliet (Civic Center Music Hall - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Feb 16th Tickets are now on sale for Oklahoma City Ballet’s production of Romeo & Juliet. Let Oklahoma City Ballet romance you with the greatest love story ever told this Valentine's Day weekend.
  With four performances at the Civic Center Music Hall February 14-16, this rich theatrical experience is packed with edge-of-your-seat sword fights and…
  
• 🎓 Oklahoma Hospitality Club (Gaillardia Country Club - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 12:00pm New Members contact: [email protected]
  
• 😂 Open Mic Night (Don Quixote Club - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm Every Friday is Open Mic Comedy at Don Quixote's! Laugh with local talent as they hone their skills. Are you funny? Sign up at 7:30. See you this week!
  
• ♪ Othello's Sessions (Othello's of Norman - Norman) Start Time: 8:30pm Othello’s Sessions takes place at Othello’s of Norman, an intimate little Italian restaurant tucked away in Campus Corner on Buchanan Ave. Within walking distance of other popular places such as The Deli and Second Wind Coffeehouse, Othello’s offers one of the most immersive live music experiences in the area. Othello’s Sessions features…
  
• Romeo & Juliet (Oklahoma Shakespeare In The Park - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 8:00pm What if your first true love was someone youd been told to hate? Two young people torn apart by a divided society and forbidden love will risk everything to be together. The most famous story of love at first sight explodes with intense passion and an irresistible desire for change. Will this spark a civil war, or will division continue to tear…
  
• Oklahoma City Spring Remodel & Landscape Show (Cox Convention Center - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 2:00pm Welcome to the Oklahoma City Spring Remodel and Landscape Show. This comprehensive home show brings together homeowners and the most knowledgeable and experienced remodeling and building experts. Professionals will be on hand to share their valuable knowledge and bring your ideas to life - or inspire new ones! See the Latest Innovations and…
  
• 😂 Sweetheart Ball (Renaissance Waterford Hotel - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 6:00pm The Annual Sweetheart Ball is back! For 13 straight years the Eye To Eye Marriage Enrichment Community (E2E) team has created space each February for married and engaged couples (diverse in ethnicity, age, and years married) to pause and enjoy an evening of fun and romance, a tradition that started two decades ago. The last Sweetheart Ball was…
  
• 😂 Valentine's Day- OKC (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City)
  
• Valentine's Day with Phil Keaggy (UCO Jazz Lab - Edmond) Start Time: 7:00pm Phil Keaggy is coming to the UCO Jazz Lab in Edmond, Oklahoma Valentine's Day, Friday, February 14, 2020 at 7pm! One of the greatest musicians of all time with a most inspiring story. He has recorded over 50 albums and worked with countless top industry professionals. Twice nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Rock Gospel Album and seven time…
  
• Valentine's Day with Phil Keaggy at the Jazz Lab (University of Central Oklahoma - Edmond) Start Time: 7:00pm Phil Keaggy is coming to the UCO Jazz Lab in Edmond, Oklahoma Valentine's Day, Friday, February 14, 2020 at 7pm! One of the greatest musicians of all time with a most inspiring story. He has recorded over 50 albums and worked with countless top industry professionals. Twice nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Rock Gospel Album and seven time…
  
• 🎨 William Shatner (Riverwind Casino - Norman) Start Time: 6:00pm Set your phasers to stun! Prepare to be beamed up for an unforgettable night with William Shatner, live on stage. In this unique evening, you’ll enjoy a screening of the classic film “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” on the big screen. Following the movie, one of Hollywood’s most recognizable figures, William Shatner, will take to the…
  

Saturday, Feb 15th

• 🏆 Central OK: University of Central Oklahoma Men's Basketball vs Newman (Edmond) Start Time: 3:30pm University of Central Oklahoma Men's Basketball vs Newman https://www.bronchosports.com/calendar.aspx?id=6517
• 🏆 Central OK: University of Central Oklahoma Women's Basketball vs Newman (Edmond) Start Time: 1:30pm University of Central Oklahoma Women's Basketball vs Newman https://www.bronchosports.com/calendar.aspx?id=6547
• 🎭 CityRep's Sexy Laundry (Oklahoma City Repertory Theatre - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 7:30pm
• 🎨 deadCenter Docs + Art Moves (Oklahoma City Museum of Art - Oklahoma City) Last Day Start Time: 2:30pm Join us for our FREE series of deadCenter Documentaries! Screening at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art. 01/24 | Sweethearts of the Prison Rodeo (2009 / 90 min) Director Bradley Beesley 02//28 | Beauty is Embarrassing (2012 / 88 min) Director Neil Berkeley 03//27 | Dealt (2017 / 85 min) Director Luke Korem 04//24 | Tower (2016 / 82 min) Director…
• The Great Backyard Bird Count (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 10:00am Saturday, February 15, 10 – 11:30 am The Garden Classroom and Garden Grounds Member $4; Nonmember $6 Best for families Register by Tuesday, February 11 REGISTER HERE Count birds in the “backyard” of Myriad Botanical Gardens and join scientists and bird watchers all over the world for the annual Great Backyard Bird Count. We’ll learn how…
• 🎨 In the Direction of the Sun - Art Exhibit Opening Reception (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 1:00pm
• Monster Jam - Arena Post Show Driver Meet & Greet (Chesapeake Energy Arena - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 1:00pm Attend a private post-show driver meet and greet event with the chance to talk to the drivers, take photos and get autographs. The interactive experience includes:
  Access to post-show meed and greet event in designated venue event space - event will occur immediately after the post-show
  Meet and greet opportunites with the chance to take…
  
• 🏆 Monster Jam Triple Threat Series (Chesapeake Energy Arena - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 1:00pm Monster Jam Triple Threat Series® offers the ultimate mix of action and excitement in six different competitions. World-class athletes tear up the dirt in Monster Jam trucks, speedsters and ATVs. They compete head-to-head for points in challenging Racing and Freestyle events testing their agility, speed and versatility. This is the big leagues…
  
• 😂 Nick Griffin (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City)
  
• OKC Ballet's Romeo & Juliet (Civic Center Music Hall - Oklahoma City) 1 day left Tickets are now on sale for Oklahoma City Ballet’s production of Romeo & Juliet. Let Oklahoma City Ballet romance you with the greatest love story ever told this Valentine's Day weekend.
  With four performances at the Civic Center Music Hall February 14-16, this rich theatrical experience is packed with edge-of-your-seat sword fights and…
  
• Oklahoma City Spring Remodel & Landscape Show (Cox Convention Center - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 2:00pm Welcome to the Oklahoma City Spring Remodel and Landscape Show. This comprehensive home show brings together homeowners and the most knowledgeable and experienced remodeling and building experts. Professionals will be on hand to share their valuable knowledge and bring your ideas to life - or inspire new ones! See the Latest Innovations and…
  

Sunday, Feb 16th

• Monster Jam - Arena Post Show Driver Meet & Greet (Chesapeake Energy Arena - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 1:00pm Attend a private post-show driver meet and greet event with the chance to talk to the drivers, take photos and get autographs. The interactive experience includes:
  Access to post-show meed and greet event in designated venue event space - event will occur immediately after the post-show
  Meet and greet opportunites with the chance to take…
  
• Monster Jam Pit Party: Pit Pass (Chesapeake Energy Arena - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 1:00pm PIT PASS MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY 1:00 pm EVENT TICKET! The Pit Party is a pre-show event taking place from 10:30 AM - 12:00 PM. Ages 2 & up require a ticket.
  At the Monster Jam® Pit Party, you can see the massive trucks up close, meet your favorite drivers and crews, get autographs, take pictures and enjoy other family-friendly activities. It's…
  
• 🏆 Monster Jam Triple Threat Series (Chesapeake Energy Arena - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 1:00pm Monster Jam Triple Threat Series® offers the ultimate mix of action and excitement in six different competitions. World-class athletes tear up the dirt in Monster Jam trucks, speedsters and ATVs. They compete head-to-head for points in challenging Racing and Freestyle events testing their agility, speed and versatility. This is the big leagues…
  
• OKC Ballet's Romeo & Juliet (Civic Center Music Hall - Oklahoma City) Last Day Tickets are now on sale for Oklahoma City Ballet’s production of Romeo & Juliet. Let Oklahoma City Ballet romance you with the greatest love story ever told this Valentine's Day weekend.
  With four performances at the Civic Center Music Hall February 14-16, this rich theatrical experience is packed with edge-of-your-seat sword fights and…
  

Monday, Feb 17th

I was unable to find any published events for Feb 17th.

Tuesday, Feb 18th

I was unable to find any published events for Feb 18th.

See Also

• OK Gamers
• Techlahoma

Hey criminal class. So someone I know, and no,.. let me stop you guys right there, because it's really not me! And though it seems like I'm just diverting my guilt , though in complete and utter obviousness of the perpetration done by, none other than me and assuming guilt onto myself through reasonable doubt that I, in fact, am using a common tactic many many guilt ridden people who have never heard of a search engine use, to find out other people's experience with the crime committed. To help them lessen and usually come to terms with the anxiety of, well, not having done thewrong, BUT GETTING BUSTED BY FEDS,... Also I'll be extremely conspicuous in wording to further back up my previous sentence... , because why would I incriminate myself, though anonymously and with no burden of proof, or even any form of substantial evidence to the contrary of me being completely innocent , or even just the more than likely possibility that I am a pathological liar, or simply put a TROLL, and perhaps in an attempt to shroud my narcissistic mind in the relief from longing about the ever present conceit I crave, to attain clout from people who wont see me for what and who I really am, guilty of stated actions or not...and , well, let's call it that "www cred...world wide web cred"....fits ? Fiiinally its All to an online community of people doing just that? Well, yeah....no shit it's me, ok? Anyways I got carried away with that. The SWIM crap is for people who are going to get caught doing whatever scandalous and unethical or even morally twisted deeds they do to get by. I dont do it just to get by , well at least not at first , I was healthy young and demographically inclined...if you catch my drift, also I was hot. Then crack and cancer hit me, within a 4 year period. Now my death is waiting to catch me as I (currenty) freefall through all my years of tomfuckery , shenanigans, and downright evil acts Iv Imposed onto loved one's and strangers alike for my personal gain or benefit in some way. Lemme include, never have I hurt anyone, I am a nonviolence advocate chairperson for an .org I wont mention here, .. to preserve any involvment of me to them, I wont get them involved if I ever am traced back to this post , somehow... , yes, criminals can have values and beliefs on an altruistic plain too. I'm a person, human, homo sapien , no homo but homologous indeed through the way I do bad shit all the time, comparative to how doctors do what they do. Specialists like me only succeed, yet prepare daily for that knock or bang or kicking down of my front door knowing cops r assisting the feds by guarding the backyard... and perhaps a subpoena for electronics only, if I'm a super lucky dude, or like a warrant for search and seizure , which if it happened on a day like this whole past year, considering the amount of associates who I coexist and share my habitat with, though only my name is on the lease....so I would assume I, me , myself, and noone else hold sole responsibility of what is found in the fucking house regardless of any evidence to the contrary, IF I am correct I'm that assumption cool...but haven't researched that because I am quite frankly scared of the truth since precautionary measures will be hard to take at this point , and if were taken would diminish the very strong trust i perceive to be held by my employer and employees alike towards myself. It's a business I am apart of. The United States secret service hates us and has been most likely trying to track us for the past 3 years we have been in ops. If anyone reports this just know I use a 12.99 dollar monthly (on accounts run by someone completely untraceable in any way to me, a friend who died couple years ago, a street brother, truly a brother. As he lay dying of a gunshot wound in his chest , points to his government phone which is cracked and is missing the back battery cover , and says the numbers of his passcode. Ok, I unlock. and next of his password for his BoA, why I ask? He tells me to collect his current reparations from him being born and raised on a Lacota Sioux reservation and add it to his coin base wallet , and the pass is also to all his accounts both on the clear and dark parts of the internet. Just different variants of the first letter and last letter being either lower or upper case. Ok, I started 2 years ago with no knowledge of the depths of internet, yet I suddenly had a dying brother give me access to 1.8 of his earned BTC through God knows how, told to me in those precious dying words, bleeding alot out of his nose n shit, I was worried he would die before he was finished telling me what to do and how to do it and I was right because he did. Turns out I am good at research. Looked up keywords which lead to .onion use and eventually to the point of activity I partake in now... also 1.8 BTC in early 2017 was like aloooot... was an astronomical fucking awesomely large amount of money to Inherit as a homeless and registered runaway, a 17 year old , yes I am currentyl 19. The beauty of all this is if I do get caught now, which I hope it happens sooner than later as odds will be stacked against me as I grow up and have some possible info on background search sites. Il explain, I have such a clean record that I dont have one. Just hospitalizations for psychiatric dues , about 7 in 2016 and monthly every year before that backing up to my 8th grade year. Unstable child I was.... I have been completely off the grind since I was 17, and have 4 pseudonyms and fake but real IDs to back each up. One is a real person living out of state. I bougjt his info, and since he is same age same height and relatively same weight depending on angles of observation, that is the one i carry, my face is in the place of his, and he is 19 as well, and not yet on any databases or lists... cool. I carry that one... also my tVPN I really hope works well, NordVpn. And I burn my phone every 3rd day. So before I do anythimg, on the third day every 3 days, no matter if I'm spitting up more blood than usual or shitting my organs into collapsing on themselves. I also dont pay a rent like on a normal lease like I previously mentioned something about, there's no point in lying,so I'll say it. I live in section 8 housing , ha. So the problem is my earned income since 2017 has been 0 dollars. According to the IRS and US government at least, because in reality my team has quadrupled our ROI the first year, and after this third years start we are making 28 x ROI as of January, and it went from 14 to 28 ROI in the last few months of 2018, holidays were quite a growing stage, with an eerie and unsettling lack of consequence, mistakes or any growing pains at all really, for that much unprecedented growth and how greedy me and my associates are we handled it like a bomb squad averting every mine in front of them, even ones out of our control because of vision blunders. Luck played a factor in certain cases, like follow ups by small businesses when my persona I play was accused of extortion and blackmail of a company I worked with, a laundromat that actually had a facade of lavenderia, but was really sand electric gambling ring. I sold lots of my counterfeited American bank notes to the manager of operations there, and got the wise idea to extort him and blackmail him simultaneously, by not only threatening to report anonymously, but if he managed to not get busted, I would personally destroy his reputation and rapport as I knew his identity and where he and his family lived. Thanks truthfinder.com and spokeo.com as well as other public data archives, u help me do crime research for my actions against other criminals. Anyways, he said the owner of the building found out and is having him arrested within the week, so he will just turn himself in, he has warrants for a ponzhi scheme or some MLM bullshit as well that generated so much cash from lottery fraud it is being prosecuted by the Federal Government, he told me he was the first person he was going to out. And since I divulged in good faith certain bits of info about my whereabouts and minor activities or services I use, I'd be able to be found within a week. So shit, I'm going down I think, we move the operation to a storage facility that doesnt have cameras because it is really an abandoned building in the heart of the unincorporated community of the impoverished part of industrial San fransisco. Yes I'm located in the bay area. Lcation doesnt matter there are many people doing what I'm doing here, but even worse! Anyways never got found out, and didnt stop my frequented locations because I need meth, crack and hookers, and my habits are very set . I buy from the same dealer every other day. I would buy more but that's dumb, PROP47 HAS DECRIMINALIZED POSSESION OF ALL DRUGS EVEN SCHEDIE FUCKING 1. Yup, iv been handcuffed and searched after being witnessed injecting cocaine and heroin into my arm at a moderately trafficked bus stop in the Tl in the City, . So I gave them my doppelganger's ID and the lazy police simply ran it, saw I was not a CA citizen , and thanks to Obama, like really tha I you Obama, and prop 47, gave me back the bag of crack I still had left and my paraphernalia, as well as my phone they didnt go through though I was panicking about bcuz it was actually unlocked for some reason when they searched me, since it was sitting on the chair..,, and with my whole past day and a half of extremely incriminating text messages, so now I have better quality burners I can activate anytime for me and the whole office , so I have like 12 for the next few days or next week, and we used messaging sites like kik who aren't USA based, who claim to not store messages for more than 7 days except pictures and other multimedia. But we figured foreign companies are prone to forced subpoena, since the company doesnt have measures set in place to protect the citizens of the USA, and the govt doesnt set in place those measures for foreign companies. We use strictly deepweb messengers, I take half a day every week to set up the phones for TOR use, also the messages go up in flames every time the screen is locked or changes tabs, so my colleagues best write that shit down! keep all documents for tracking (only vauge descriptions of management of time and certain resources expended so we ar not to go back to use certain services we burnt out. Basically where and when we commit each act of passing off our counterfeit bank notes, where we placed one of our skimming wares, who we contracted eith to sell our product and services to and any description of all of these activities, . A gold mine for feds? Were a step ahead,, in a coded and hard to detect form of South Dakotan Indian unwritten folk language. Yes its unwritten, but only by American and western scholarly knowledge. like really America you haven't translated the written languages of the people who were here before any euro WASP imperialist delusional freedom seeking yet freedom taking hypocritical scum dumplings washed ashore the Americas like 6 to 5 hundred years ago? ? That sounds like a basis for subsidizing the winners mentality of dominiance America has had for hundreds of years against all of these poor men women and children with blatant behaviors of pseudo nationalism (america to me is an illusion, one of grandiosity too, because to be American means to have had family migrate here in this generation or the last for OPPURTUNITY, yet it's extremely saturated, so much that crime is an only option for many, for most, yet people will argue that but there aren't statistics on unreported crimes are there? What have you done today?) And muting of a broken society , one that suffered loss of land , independence in all ways and self sufficiency as a tribe, all forms of culture WASPs didnt find pleasing to the eye, including the languages apparently, and also loss of the way they gathered knowledge of the material and existential world, their natural resources, the way they grew society, the fabric of these peoples existence and other things like basic human and civil rights, even the Fucking MAGNA CARTA was implemented, so why did it not apply to these imperialists when they left the United kingdom? Wow, such integrity, no wonder political entities are all scumbags, they are decendants of criminal genocide, a genocide that isn't completely finished yet, and nobody cares enough to do a thing about it...,they are subjugated as a group of people , who are dead as a culture and own entity or unit, they dont have a sense of identity as the people of Lacota Sioux, and they all resent america and every citizen in it according to my firsthand sources and secondhand experiences with their struggles daily.. ,and for supplying the reservations with enough reparations to become alcoholic druggies who get discounts at casinos that are built to exploit them furthermore, and drive complacency to a severe and epidemic proportions... the youth always introduced to forms of violence unbeknownst to many outside the reservation my street brother lived on and escaped from, seeking political asylum at age 13 in America's foster system which turned out that in his luck was just a bit worse. He, who shouldn't be named for my own protection, is dead at age 26 now. He had been homeless since the age of 14. He has a child in the foster system he didnt have contact with the last year of his life, and the 3rd and last year of me knowing him. He got progressively more mentally unstable causing nervousness in myself. He got shot because he robbed a relatively well known drug dealer in the area, who found out about it because of a tip off , so there is a rat in my circle, and iv effectively closed myself off to any possibility or manifestation of this person in my life which has led me to be in my operational headquarters alot, while everyone elese comes for the nighttime shift. I am there all day, vulnerable to warranted searches anf swats... but fuck it ? ,. But To just not record a language of a large group of people is extremely evilish and wicked, bigoted and very very inherently and not even just fundamentally or systematically racist, but racist on a whole societal level I feel, ...why did no one even far outside of the government construct of America and friends, including the remaining Sioux people of south Dakota who aren't to blame, but have no pride except for the facade of the pride and haughtyness they often display as the Sioux people are known to be arrogant and full of themselves, this is obviously an overcompensating of the inferior complex felt on the level of tribal and ancestor values, they dont see themselves as important but want others to. And its specifically the elders alive within the generation now who were passed doen the language nonchalantly . My street brother didnt learn it until he went back to visit his uncles in 2007 or 2008, in which he took a year of mentorship from the principal of his reservations highschool, he had never attained education, or developed reasonable emotional and logic based skills, it was hard dealing with him sometimes, but he no MATTER WHAT always helped me before himself for no reason other than to see me do ok, ..he helped me to the point of where I could take advantage, and many people did, I got to know him right as he was cutting everyone off from his help. But I soon proved to be a person who gave all of what he gave right back at some point in a reasonable and timely fashion. It was all necessity based yet very superficial and primitive , so carnal things we helped eachother with... we helped eachother get high and eat, and sleep safely as one of us safeguarded. No growth ever commenced. So when I began working with small white collar intellectual criminals of a higher playing field he alienated himself from me. On the last day of his life, I was was last person to see him alive, and i was the last person he would ever see as the incarnate of himself ... very sad. He earned a place within myself as a brother, but deeper than blood, a street brother. He was the cause of me learning how to survive so quick. He schooled me on his over 12 years of experience being on the street of SF . RIP my dude... I know u aren't in heaven because you rejected the westernGod, I know you are right where u wanna be wherever the fuck it is, you nevertold me what you believe happens to people's anything as they die. Hm...well since we're on the topic ofthat, I'm Suprisingly to most I know , fucking Buddhist. Yes I know I'm not a good one nor do I claim to be , I dont believe in accumulation of merit and karmic consequences of any future life. I am strictly what Buddhists were before Sidhartha Gotama had a following, teaching or any sort of recognition. The buddhism of the rudimentary pali canon, part of theravada tradition. One person I know asked me recently, yesterday actually, how I handle being condemned constantly by myself for not adhering to my core values and fundamental and crucial principles of my system of belief. I responded , well I dont think one rotten Buddhist is going to spoil the entire barrel, such as the inbred people of CERTAIN fanatical, dogmatic and oppressive sects of Christianity Judaism and Islam,. Monotheism is a very cool idea at its core I think, its just been perverted as what started as a figurative fundamentalism based on a core text of messages ,meant to invoke character and hope in the people it was written by, and for each demographic of people's experience at the time, and it was a humanizing experience of morals value and discipline n discernment of good and evil , like a book on HOW TO BE GODLY HOW TO BECOME GOD 101 , all orated from a creator in which to place FIGURATIVE faith in,a creator I have interpreted as a maladjusted mentally disturbed entitled teenage boy who has a near geniusIQ, its 135, I have interpreted creator in any monotheistic religion to be, well, me and you, us, both independently and as a collective at the same time and when we are alone. .,on the flipside , how many and most sects of the 3 main monotheistic world religions I HAVE PERSONALLY studied for years of seeking truth, , the side of non god like human behavior. It all has a decent analogy I compare to it, and one analogy I used before my current line of work, ironically,. So we use bank notes, or any form of paper and metal money for that matter. We understand that it doesnt really exist except for the tangible , completely useless (except conductor metals but irrelevant) materials it is comprised of (the church the preachers and breeders the teachers and the likes of the church involving itself in state affairs where it holds more ground and leeway into its interests based on manipulative machivellianistic leaders) as an inherently valuable commodity or sort of an onformation or anything. but it does play a determining role in society , as faith based and omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. It rules. So , This tangible object made of relatively easy to dupe or manipulate fabric and materials will shape the quality of life for everybody who understands how to use it efficiently or not. It's a multi tiered hierarchy of who can have the most of it as well, just as God of certain religions in certain bibles favors the peoples of that region. Why does the God of the univers in the jewish Torah favor a minority demographic of Israelite tribes, who have suffered endlessly before and after , as well as during the intervention of this divine whereas those not favored by God live posh lives of pirates and pleasure! Sound familiar . Corporate and non corporate elite are condemned by the majority of anyone who not exclusively insider , they are considered so evil that we cannot see them or touch them in any way, because they have capes that make them invisible or they are vampires who only come out at night. Regardless, they control what, like 90 percent of the wealth, in like 10 percent of the pop. of America and its direct interests not involving anything international iv read and domt cite me because I'm not sure, but I think somrthimg like 1 to5 percent of the 10 percent of these elite families control another vvast 90 percent of that 90 percent of wealth ! So, me defacing the God who doesnt favor them to the point of depriving them of complete attention and accountability has caused them to go rogue and exploit us God like pacified pacifist masses , where residing here, some of us see a great subsidization of wealth with poverty and slave trade, both physical slavery and modern disguised physical slavery as what is called debt and loans, amd we domt want to partake in this! We want out of the forcefed archetype of capitalism that's not practiced in a free market, look st government bailouts to companies like AIG in 2008 , yes it was going to compromise the whole process and system of finance. Rendering the God of our understanding being the dollar bill yall, fucking and wholly fucking useless. I am an anarchist. Ok , why do I capitalize on illegal production of defaced government notes i add value to? Well what's better than rejection is fighting the enemy with it's own weapons . Perhaps he knows how to use it to every degree so its futile in the end. But at least he will know and worry about the massrs becoming better equipped at some point to use the weapon harnessed for themselves. In and of itself a new society would br created, a changing of the hands, but then again out of chaos arises order, except in countries where the united states of Americas government and foreign policy is applied. Well, south east Asia cuz who wants to have a holiday in Cambodia? And we cant forget Iraq, we wonder why the middle east hates us to the point of the jihad era of suicidefighting. It is difficult to surmount enemies who not only want to die for religious incentive of better life after honorable death , holy war, but these people have a real world reality based incentive as well. For starters .the Amiriyah shelter bombing in early 90s killed around 500 innocent civilians. US sent a couple bombs , I think on purpose to send a message, because our society is based on the premise of ends justify means..... also the highways of death and rampant and recorded torturing of high ranking and low ranking Iraqi army officials and soldiers. Ok,I'm not sympathizing with Saddam or his cruel and oppressive regime, I'm sympathizing with the people of Iraq who have suffered , mainly due to ancient religious queries of opposing tribes, due to a split over a thousand years ago when the prophet n leader of the Islamic religion died not appointing asuccessor. Thanks Mohammed, . People who belong to Sunni’s believe the Prophets’ trusted friend and advisor this fuckin guy named Abu Bakr i think was the first rightful leader of Muslims or self proclaimed caliphate, while Shias believe that Mohammed’s blood cousin and son-in-law, which is fucked up on a moral and even scientific level because if your blood cousin is your son in law as well, the implication of one of your female (orMale, I'm progressive), cousins being wedded to him is outstanding, and kind of hot. Just kidding, I think even consensual incest amongst adults who didnt even grow up together whith often thwarts attraction all together, who also understand completely the impact of what they r doing is gross not because of prudence or societies standards, really people upload "so called" incest porn for a reason, taboo is held at a certain level of secret reverance,but really only since it leads to a high high high chance of mutated Genes at some point down the line, usually immediately, creating sufferers of mood disorders and mental maladaptive or straight up complete mental disability , and physical disorder and often painful and very life reducing diseases of the body... it doesnt appeal to me even sexually because of this, not becusde I think nothing sexually of my cousin because truthfully she is hot, and I wouldnt ever fuck her even if she offered and I was on high dose of meth and haven't jacked it in about 3 weeks or had sex ever in my life. Also note physical n mental malody are categorized I'm a bunch of subtypes of each gene pairings and have high chances of making quality of life for offspring very very very low at SOME point, and will have introduced more fallacy to human health and mental faculty for generations to come. What if a person like me was running for office? and won? My family was incestuous on both sides, mom and dad, in the 1800s and late 1700s , yes its recorded on ancestry, gr8 website btw. 60 percent of every member on my momds side of the family has a mental disorder diagnosed as mood based or neurological, whereas 100 percent , yes, every single member who is alive today on my dad's side (48 people of direct bloodline, being my great great great great grandfather and mothers offspring withim 33 percent of relative blood stream I guess , as well as 2 concubines which are half as related to me, and that includes another 60 something presently alive, and they show excellent signs of proof that it was my great ggg grand mother who was the catalyst to my gggggrand father's faculties vice versa in destroying my bloodlines mental health) all of the extended family is diagnosed or suspected of by officials or doctors of at least one occurence of at least one diagnosable trait of that disorder . poly substance drug use and alcoholism, usually in conjunction with mood disorders ranging from bipolar and other manic depressive disorders like Cyclothimea, to things like psychopathy , as well as anxiety related disorders like OCD or panic and body dysmorphic perception. Even severe neurological problems that are embedded and present before they rear their hethings like Tourettes syndrome, any motor and vocal tics, even motion disorders I found prevalent after the 6 marriages within first rate family in czhecoslovakia 1800s..talking siblinging and parent child sick shit . Only after the 100 years of familial marriage reproduction on 2 sides of my retraceable lineage does mental fallacy seem to take off with presice and consistent worsening of volume and individual severity. This Shia cousin fucker is named Ali and he was supposedl chosen by Allah to hold the title, according to Shias .looping back a bit. to deface its intended and totally arbitrary value is fighting the ooppressive industrial regime of the west world. A rich white council of nuts said what has value to all, and in that benefit the reaps of the rest of tthe sycophants. I wont bpart of ideas like " it does for I say it does" . And higher authority began exploiting us from b4 America, ...the nowadays diluted culture of monotheism is very ritualized and empty of meaning to newer generations of western and mideastern kids , like me, it's become a cycle of what is now like a kind of GOD-INIZING of HUMANS to the point of immunity impunity and extreme hedonism, and ability of socially tampering with the world ,, I guess the Sioux weren't always allotted even the desolate land now have,because calvinist scum fuck predestination delusional manifest destiny (they were right tho) preachers, they converted many Sioux and other people's by force, and whipped and caned and mutilated their bodies when the language of their folk was spoken.... What they do have now, and its valuable but not visible is a rudimentary and obviously diluted and broken language. It can b repaired, revised, refined. No clear boundaries around certain aspects of its fundamental properties like homonyms, this problem especially written down. It's written in English as well, sort of ironic, no? Anyways , yes I also use the clearnet services too, just using different persona and subtracting any form of monitoring from Google or third parties I can, anyways I domt want borderline homosexual BDSM porn cartoon games advertised to me all the time....like thanks Google, I appreciate the ssentiment but hey, my friend saw all the ads I get recently by shadowing how i use certain plstform to scam ppls and, and well he does targeted marketing himself on social media, freelance funnel ads, he now gets my phishing domains of mock sites into sight of prospective victims. So , he fucking knows....everything....also including but not limited to all of my activities mentioned here as well as skillset - myj mathematical comprehension skills are on an unbelievably dramatic lower playing field than my inclination towards literature and the likes of management , proactivity, reading people's emotions and still not feeling empath or any sort of even slight sympathy, unless I see them being physically exploited as the weaker or more vulnerable party, and I love them, (i am diagnosed to have both highly evolved sociopoathy as my therapist described it, the reason is of me not being delusional and completely opposed to the true nature of my darkened and mental twists, which developed most likely because of trauma I experienced as an early teen. Saw the deaths of 3 people I cared about so much my perception was altered, eventually developed into complete apathy and resentments, guiding me down the path of least resistance when coming to yield my every craving ! I am horrible....also the fucked up addon of the love-to-control and often less common , rare, dare I say unique? , less commonly known, and undocumented almost completely out of history , ...the merger and blending of machivellianistic narcissism, usually ppl who have this mentality are never exposed. by ignorance or knowledge and sense of godlike superiority withheld 100%. I am a fucking sociopathic machiavellian who displays a multitude of a subtype of narcissism that curtails anyone from realizing the nature of my truest intentions. Simply put, I'm so good at being bad nobody knows I'm bad in the ways I am at all, occasionally I will even get carried away with my fantasy I project. I do everything based on self preservation AAnd self benefit. I won't snitch once I do go down, whenever that may be , because it would benefit my extreme ego of grandiose things to not do so. If I were to snitch, I just couldnt. Really, simply because my true identity which is in constant crisis, and inferior complex I hold onto that is extremely over compensated for in other ways, wouldn't allow me to rat , unless I'm wrongly accused or framed, no associates will ever go down with me. And since all current ties n connections I have are equally CULPABLE in our collective efforts to jeopardize banking, 1 dollar padded with +99 at a time, no leaders r here. Only captains go down with ship, though countless others r CULPABLE morally and legally. I'm better than that, we have decentralized egalitarian ideals at my company...yet I have lots of warped values. I steal from sick people and small businesses, i scam in many other ventures like ID theft and vending to deep web clients cloned CCs skimmed from businesses both corporate and not. I'm a hypocrite, a pathological liar who for the first time can remember told a completely truthful account anything consisting of more than one minute of my all too jaded human experience.....

[Note to this sub: Here are two gambling stories involving Haralabos Voulgaris. Two things you should know. 1) I originally wrote this for a completely different, anonymous audience and not for all the wonderful "Shoe Fitness Architects", "Pizza Delivery Engineers", Overnight Security Enforcers, and DMV Workers that I've gotten the pleasure of meeting on here during my time on /billsimmons. Instead, it will seem like I'm talking to a room full of strangers, and for the first time. So if you read something that you've already seen me say on this sub, you know the reason. I also sound “different” in this.
2) It's long. You've been warned, I don't want to hear shit about it being so damn long. Think of this as a throwback to the Page 2 days, when you knew a guy was going to take a huge, extended shit because he just printed out Simmons' latest article and ran into the bathroom. You know, the “glory days”.
If you read this on Friday, you can save this for your afternoon work shit. Read it on your phone though, because it's got a short YouTube clip in it that helps tell the story.
If you read it over the weekend, I suggest smoking a bowl beforehand, especially to our Canadian friends up North. Doesn't have to be Top Shelf, just something to buzz you going in.
That's it. Enjoy.
The recent news of the Dallas Mavericks hiring Haralabos Voulgaris as Director of Quantitative Research and Development recently blew my mind. I knew it was Bob's goal to be an NBA GM, and this job isn't quite on the GM level, but I still can't believe he's made it onto a real NBA organization. I still think of him mostly from his early 2000's poker and sports betting days, and I never imagined he'd be able to hold down a real job someday. I didn't think anyone from the gambling world ever could.
I was heavily into sports gambling and poker at the same time as Bob was ascending as a sports gambling force, from the late 80's until well into the 2000's. I didn't know Haralabos well, yet I heard about or saw him all the time. This pretty much describes all relationships in gambling to be honest. But I did make sure to hear all the stories about Haralabos back then, because they always made the gossip rounds and were usually funny.
I'm here to share two of Haralabos' famous gambling stories, to give you a little insight into the man. If you are an Old School gambler, you've already heard them. But they are now 15 years old, and I couldn't find a good telling already on the Internet, so new people might get a kick out of these. Sources are at the bottom of this post.
People need to understand that, back then (early 2000s), Bob was best known for two things: betting the NBA, and being a smart ass trash talker at the poker tables. Bob was a world class needler that people highly resented because he had “Fuck You” kinds of money and he sure lorded that fact over everybody. He found everyone in the gambling world incredibly stupid compared to himself, and wasn't afraid to let people know it. I guess that's not much different than his Twitter in 2018, except he's learned to be more polite about it.
It was amusing being in a poker room with Bob in it, unless you were the focus of his remarks. He did not have any boundaries and was merciless, and really went after people “Micheal Jordan style” with the ferocity of his put-downs. Asked to describe him, I'd say 98% of players back then would call him an “arrogant dickhead” (including me at that time), while 2% would say “really sharp guy who doesn't tolerate fools” (including me now). We would all agree that he could be hilarious.
With that set-up, here are two Haralabos Voulgaris gambling stories that let's you know what he was like back in the early 2000's.
Story #1
My favorite Haralabob story, which long time 2+2ers have already heard about and whose legend has grown over the years, is the infamous Freddy Deeb story. If you know it, you are already nodding your head. But hopefully it's new to you. It's a classic.
Freddy Deeb was a rich business man from Lebanon, but a lot of people thought he was Egyptian (close enough for poker players). “Fast Freddy” was a decent if unspectacular poker player who pre-dated the poker boom. So Freddy was a legit and well known regular even before TV got involved with the game, and parlayed that “real, genuine poker player” label into appearances on TV when the poker boom happened. He had strong credibility.
Freddy is probably most famously remembered for being accused of “Going South” by Johnny Chan on an episode of High Stakes Poker. Freddy handled that accusation in typical Freddy fashion – making a big deal about this small joke insulting his integrity, aggressively confronting everyone about it and challenging them to heads-up poker matches to prove his manhood. The dude could be a hothead. (“Going South”, which was more commonly called “rat-holing”, is when a player sneaks high denomination chips off the table undetected after winning a big pot, so he has no possibility of losing them back in a later big hand. It's a unethical way to play “hit and run” if you win big quickly, without the “running” part being as obvious as picking up and leaving immediately.)
The two things you needed to know about Freddy: 1) He was short. I mean really short, like 5'1” or less. Not to play Freud too much, but you can probably guess that the reason he spent all his time in poker rooms was because of this physical limitation. Poker attracted the social rejects like no other activity in the 1990's, and welcomed the physically and mentally defective in droves. It was a haven almost exclusively for nerds and losers, before TV made it cool for everyone to play No Limit Texas Hold'em, The Cadillac of Gambling Games (so hip!).
2) Stemming from #1, Freddy could have a short temper. If you are jumping straight into a “Napoleon Complex” accusation for Freddy, well, in this case you're the heavy favorite. Freddy was a quiet, nice guy for 90% of the time he played. But Freddy was quick to act like a gangster you didn't want to fuck with if you ever gave him the chance, with that persistent shoulder chip that will never go away. Everyone let him play gangster without comment as long as he still had a bankroll to gamble with.
Here is a YouTube video that illustrates both points perfectly. Watch the whole thing to the end for maximum comedy – it's fucking hilarious:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqwQiIy1b48
Here's Freddy acting like a super tough guy, and – in the moment - you can believe it too. Until the camera pulls back and shows the other players at the table, and then you get a height perspective of the whole scene. It's unreal funny at that point. Gus Hansen sitting next to him looks like Yao Ming by comparison.
So when this first HBob story happens, poker is just about to really take off. My guess is that it was around 2003-4, so the hype around poker was growing fast but still not close to the peak yet. The first Season of the World Poker Tour (WPT) had already aired, and it was a cultural phenomenon. Poker players were speculating already that WPT tournament champions were going to be as famous as top professional athletes, and with the same kind of ultra-lucrative sponsorship opportunities and endorsement deals. A very common topic at the table was how much getting to the final table at a televised WPT event was worth in fame, above and beyond any of the listed prize money. Perhaps a few million? It was a crazy time, and being on TV was all anyone cared about back then. Seems a bit silly now.
Freddy had been on TV a few times with some respectable runs in some bigger tournaments. The WPT and ESPN featured him in a few “flavor of the game” clips during their early poker broadcasts, and that seemed like a pretty big deal, especially to Freddy. TV Poker was grooming narratives and trying to create presentable, relatable stars in the poker world and weren't above adding in some artificial flavor to an otherwise unremarkable cast of characters.
Being a legit long time poker player was enough for Freddy to get some screen time – the TV producers could take it from there. I think the narrative was along the lines of how anyone – all ages, ethnicity, shapes and sizes could find a home in the poker world, and Freddy exemplified all that. It all went directly to Freddy's head, and he was not alone during this time.
Anyway, the story goes like this. Haralabos is playing in a very juicy high stakes poker game in a California casino, most likely the Commerce. The game was already full with 9 players, which is the max in most California rooms.
Haralabos himself was very new to poker at this time. He dabbled previously, but only started playing for big stakes in the past year or two because of the huge influx of new poker players, who watched the WPT on television and flooded into casinos, chasing riches. Thus there was easy money to be made. Before then, of course, he was focused on his NBA gambling. He was very near the height of his powers as an NBA sports bettor, and known pretty damn well in the sports betting world, if not the general public yet. Far more people in poker knew about Bob than he knew about them, though. He was just starting to get serious about playing poker. Bob knew about some of the bigger poker names he gambled with betting sports together in the past, but knew almost none of the newly (and artificially) created TV “poker stars” that ESPN / WPT had chosen to promote.
So Freddy walks into the Commerce one day and sees the high stakes poker table, and eyes the line up. Freddy knows this “Main Game” is incredibly juicy, and wants in – immediately. He calls the floorman over and insists they create an extra space at the table for him and for the game to be played 10-handed. 10-handed was actually the common number of players in Las Vegas poker tables at the time, and Freddy was usually based there. Freddy is sort of 'big timing' the floorman, reminding him how much he's played there over the years, how much rake he's given that casino, and how all these new poker players want to play with someone like himself, a big-shot, old school, now famous poker player.
There is nothing that poker players like more than poker room drama (except maybe comped food), so this commotion has drawn the attention of every table within earshot. Everyone near by was focusing on the Main Game with Haralabos in it. Drawn from many accounts, here is a recreation of what happened:
Freddy (accented, slightly broken English)(to Floorman): Johnny, there's no board. Just put me in big blind right now and we can play with ten.
Floorman Johnny: Table's not big enough for ten, Freddy. This isn't Vegas. Our players will object. Everyone wants their space.
Freddy: Just ask then. If there are objections then Freddy will wait. But no one will object! C'mon Johnny, how much action I give to you? Freddy is “action player”. Everyone wants to play with Freddy. They see me, they know “That's Freddy” and they want to play.
[Yes, Freddy was talking about himself in the Third Person. What can I say?]
Floorman Johnny (reluctantly, to Main Game): Guys, Freddy wants to sit and play 10-handed. There is no board an he doesn't want to wait around for nothing. Any objections?
Haralabos (immediately): I object. Who the fuck is this guy? [To Freddy] Buddy, you're not special. What makes you think you control this game? If more people come, then you can start a “Must-Move” game and play in that. Otherwise, wait your fucking turn like everyone else. Ok, buddy? [To Floorman, incredulous] What the fuck?
Freddy (heated at Haralabos): Listen, buddy. Everyone here know Freddy. Floorman. Dealer. Players. All know Freddy, love Freddy. Who the fuck are you? In Vegas, Freddy wants a game, the manager come running to help Freddy! They bring in best table to start new game for Freddy! They get best dealer on break to come deal! They bring in new chips, new cards for Freddy! They bring special chair for Freddy to sit in!
Haralabos: Oh yeah, Freddy? Is it a high chair?
A thunderclap of uproarious laughter rang out from all who were listening in, perhaps fifty people or more, all rubberneckers from other tables drawn in by the drama. There was no denying the spontaneity, no denying the reason, and certainly no denying the focus of who the laughter was directed at. Fast Freddy, all five feet zero inches of him, with the hair-trigger anger and never lacking words, was truly stunned and humiliated into silence. His eyes became squinted and his face was stuck in a wince of pain, his whole head turning as red as a stubborn, two-week old pimple that just wouldn't pop. He rocked back and forth as if recovering from a physical punch, not knowing what to do as a second, smaller wave of laughter began because it was just that funny, and now the story was being instantly re-told.
The few that were present and could actually feel sympathy quickly stifled their laughter, feeling the guilt of knowing the guy just got hit in his most sensitive area in front of a very large audience, and was truly wounded. They were hoping Freddy would finally say something, anything, to show that he wasn't completely crushed inside, that he wasn't as hurt as he seemed. Instead, Freddy walked away silently, his decades of “bluster armor” built protecting his sensitivity about his height laid on the ground, smashed.
Souls are crushed all the time in poker rooms. You think you've seen it all, and you just grow immune. But this one stood out, as almost a warning. You just don't want to get into a verbal war with Haralabob.
There is an addendum to this story.
A year or so later, and strictly by chance, Freddy and Haralabos found themselves at the same table during a big tournament. Neither man had forgotten their previous encounter (how could they?). By this time, poker was being covered in real-time by a fleet of new poker reporters and journalists, and, by all accounts, Haralabos was riding Freddy hard that day, with verbal put-downs and jokes at Freddy's expense non-stop. Freddy tried to play it cool, knowing he was no verbal match for HBob.
Until this happened. There was a Random Guy sitting directly on Freddy's left hand side who was new, didn't know anyone at the table (or their past history with each other) and who politely told Freddy this (recreation):
Random Guy (to Freddy): Hey man. You need to protect your cards better. I can see your hole cards flash sometimes when you look. I saw you had paint last hand. You need to learn to peek without flashing.
Freddy: Buddy, do you know who I am? I'm playing this game since before you were born! I win more money this year than you will have in your whole life! They ask me to write new poker book, that is kind of player I am! Buddy, I'm writing now, next time I see you I bring you a signed copy of my poker book!
Haralabos: Next time you should bring a phone book instead so you can sit on it and see your cards better.
Well, Freddy was playing it cool with HBob until then, but that last comment instantly set him off. Again, by the written accounts of the poker reporters live blogging the event, Freddy shot straight up out of his chair (though you probably couldn't tell...) and challenged HBob to a fist fight, screaming expletives at him and demanding a duel. Haralabob just sat in his chair laughing, saying he didn't want to go outside and fight Freddy because he didn't want to get arrested for child abuse.
Famous poker player Daniel Negreanu witnessed this incident live, and blogged about it at the time. I remember that he thought that Freddy would be a decent favorite in a fight between Freddy and Haralabos. But I have my doubts about that. Negreanu disliked Haralobob personally, like many poker players who ever faced him at that time, because HBob could be so vicious. So he was biased in his fight assessment, IMHO.
HBob was not a figher at all - more of a jester than a knight – but I thought he could always just stiff-arm Freddy by the forehead and then Freddy would be left with that cartoon 'swinging of the arms trying to reach him' thing while HBob could just jab him with his other arm. I would have made Haralabos the -200 favorite.
Story #2
This happened in the early 2000's, during Season 3 of the World Poker Tour, just a year or so after Story #1.
Haralabos had played in one of the WPT's big televised tournaments and made the Final Table. Not only that, but he ultimately came in Second Place, meaning he was going to get a LOT of TV time, which, again, most players thought was worth more than the actual prize money. Poker by now was white hot in America and was bringing so many people instant overnight fame. Players were resorting to obnoxious table antics and hyper displays of “personality” just to get a few seconds of screen time. Everyone was trying to create a “brand”.
Not to belabor the point, but before television made poker cool and respectable, it was filled with 95% scumbags and degenerates with almost no white-collar, working professionals. But TV poker didn't want to portray that sordid image. In the very early days, the WPT actually had a “dress code” for appearing on the televised Final Table, where a sports jacket and collared shirts were required and would be provided for you if you didn't own them yourself (in other words, for everyone).
Even the long time “Old School” gamblers were cleaned up and presented as daring adventurers instead of leather-assed angle-shooters they (we) really were. Known broke degenerates like T.J. Cloutier was turned into worshiped, heroic figures instantly, romanticized by television producers as sharp equity traders who practiced at the table instead of on Wall Street. The reality was that guys like Cloutier were hanging around poker rooms mostly to shamelessly beg recent winners for a buy-in, or even just a meal.
Under this ethos of “cleaning up poker players' images”, players were allowed to manufacture any kind of image they wanted if they were going to be on the WPT TV show. Producers for the WPT would ask each finalist for a biography, but did absolutely no fact or background checking at all intentionally, mostly out of fear of what they might find if they actually did do so. So with all that in mind, here is the official bio for Haralabos that appeared on the WPT website before his televised event, almost certainly written by HBob himself:
"Haralabos Voulgaris is a 29-year-old professional sports bettor from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. This poker tyro brings a lot more to his first WPT final table than meets the eye. He is a playwright, holds a degree in philosophy, and his goals reach far beyond the green felt. His plans for the next 5 years include learning to play the piano, to have one of his plays performed on Broadway, and to win a WPT title."
I'm not sure how much of this was an inside joke, how much was just the pressure to appear white-collar in order to attract advertisers (remember, poker players were all thinking about future endorsement deals at this time), and how much of this was HBob's ego run amuck.
BUT COME ON! “Playwright”? Has Haralabos ever gone to a play yet, even in 2018? But that wasn't enough; he wanted to have one of his many, many written plays performed on Broadway very soon, because that's how dedicated he was to this art form! Just remember, this is the guy who widely known throughout the poker world for using his mastery of language to mercilessly torture midgets and other unfortunates at the poker table. Not exactly Tennessee Williams. Add in the piano lessons and the PhD in philosophy (philosophy!), and the fact that the WPT didn't bat an eye in putting this up as his bio, and the unintentional comedy is off the charts.
Haralabos claimed to friends at the time that it was mostly a joke, but as we will now see, he seemed to really care about this false image.
As you probably well know, there is a gap between when the WPT Final Table was played, and when the show based off of it is actually aired. By the time Haralabos' episode was about to air, he was staying as a guest in the house of a former poker pro named Paul Phillips, who only the most dedicated and old players will remember. (Paul Phillips won 2 WPT titles in the very early seasons, took the prize money, and pretty much disappeared from poker, going on to live a “normal” life. One of the few gambling success stories, IMHO).
Well, Paul was a practical joker himself, and he had found a way to hack his DVR and change the description of recorded programs, including Bob's WPT episode. Knowing that Haralabos was coming back soon to watch it, Paul changed the description on the DVR to fuck with him. The original show description was something like this:
“Six new players vie for the title of Champion of the LA Poker Classic Tournament. Players include movie star John Smith, astronaut Mark Hunt, playwright Haralabos Volgaris, undercover international spy Chris Jenkins, the crown prince of Wakanda Jerome Jones, and the inventor of the Internet Joe “Man Tits” Mande.“
Obviously the other names and titles were made up by me, but you get the picture. Anyway, Paul made one small adjustment, knowing Haralabos would see it:
“Six new players vie for the title of Champion of the LA Poker Classic Tournament. Players include movie star John Smith, astronaut Mark Hunt, uptight playwright Haralabos Volgaris, undercover international spy Chris Jenkins, the crown prince of Wakanda Jerome Jones, and the inventor of the Internet Joe “Man Tits” Mande.“
Paul then waited for Haralabos to return so they could watch the episode together, leaving up the modified description of “uptight playwright” on the TV and making sure HBob was in the room alone for a few minutes before starting the show, so he had no choice but to stare at the phony description.
Bob noticed it immediately. According to Paul, HBob started to get really worried, thinking that the show was going to portray him in a terrible light and edit him to look dumb and foolish, just because of that one word “uptight” in the description. Before even starting the show, HBob was already making excuses, telling Paul that he forgot they kept his microphone on at all times, and he said some critical things about the WPT's production crew, and now they were getting their revenge by calling him uptight. He kept bringing up ways he might have acted uptight during the Final Table and was pre-rationalizing them for Paul, who was enjoying it all.
This went on for the first 15 minutes or so of the show, with Haralabos worrying and moaning non-stop about being called “uptight” and wondering how they were going to edit him to look that way, until Paul finally let him off the hook. According to Paul, Haralabos didn't believe it was a practical joke and kept worrying and griping longer, until he saw for himself that it was just a standard WPT show with no unfair editing involved.
I'm not going to put too much on Haralabos for being so worried about his portrayal. Players really did believe that a good edit was the difference between a lucrative endorsement deal with Budweiser or Nike and getting nothing. The sky seemed to be the limit. BUT... the notion that Bob was just playing an inside joke and didn't really care about being known as a “playwright, piano player, and philosopher” didn't quite match up with his defensive and concerned attitude that day.
Sources:
Source for Story #1: This is a very famous poker story that was talked about amoung players live and on 2+2 (the dominant, high-traffic poker forum back then and perhaps now) a lot when it happened. You can find snippets and references on twoplustwo.com. I'm sure other long time and knowledgeable players will verify hearing a version of this story before.
An account of it was given by Haralabos himself on the podcast “Big Poker Sundays” which he used to co-host with Scott Huff, but has long since disappeared. It was a part of Poker Road Radio, which was run by Barry Greenstein's asshole son before closing. As this story is now close to 15 years old and poker media is on life support, many previous accounts from blogs and recording are now gone, and thus a lot of it had to be reconstructed from memory. Part of the reason I'm re-telling it is because it was gradually being lost in time, and that is a motive to re-tell it now, for a new generation.
Source for Story #2: I got the exact WPT description of Bob's bio from the 2+2 Archive (http://archives1.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=5504109&page=0&fpart=all&vc=1). The story of the altered DVR description and Paul Phillips came from the memory of Paul's old blog on LiveJournal (“extempore”), which has long been deleted, and from my own correspondence with Paul Phillips at the time (we were pretty good “online friends” before the invention of Social Media. Anyone remember r.g.p. on Usenet?). Again, unfortunately memory had to play a large role.
I by no means want to pretend Haralabos and I were close. I knew about him and tracked him more than most poker players due to my sports betting background, but Bob was just one of a hundred different and strange characters in the gambling world that you'd recognize daily, none of whom you'd want to spend a lot of time with. We had some mutual friends, that's about it.
Both stories were written under the Geneva Convention rules, which explicitly states that all gambling stories worldwide may contain up to 15% of exaggerations in order to make the story more entertaining or dramatic and still be called “truthful”. Like all good gambling stories should be told. But the core elements are as faithful a retelling as I could make it, including the WPT description, and the key dialogue by Bob that was quoted the most at that time. It's the dates and locations I'm least sure about.

(continuation of "THE LAST JEDI" review)
Is there anything else about "THE LAST JEDI" that I enjoyed? Honestly? No. Despite the fine performances, the excellent photography and superb production and art designs, I was not impressed by the movie. In fact, my opinion of the film proved to be lower than my feelings about "THE FORCE AWAKENS". And I never thought that would be possible. I had two major problems about the film - the narrative and characterizations written by the director, Rian Johnson.
One of the main problems I had with "THE LAST JEDI" proved the length of time between it and "THE FORCE AWAKENS". Judging from the film's opening, the Resistance had fled its base on D'Qar and engaged in that opening battle against the First Order before Rey, Chewbacca and R2-D2 arrived on Ahch-To. Why did Johnson decide to begin the movie with such a small time frame? I have no idea. But thanks to this time frame, I found some of the events in the movie rather questionable.
According to the film's opening crawl, the First Order had "decimated" the Republic and took military control of the galaxy. I found this hard to swallow. Yes, the First Order used their Star Killer weapon to destroy the New Republic's capital and a few planets in the same system. But the Republic was spread all over the galaxy. Also, the First Order had suffered two major defeats near the end of "THE FORCE AWAKENS" - at Takodana, where it was searching for the BB-8 droid and the map to Luke Skywalker; and the destruction of the Star Killer weapon and its base. The last defeat proved to be a severe one for the First Order. Why would the entire galaxy surrender to the First Order when its super weapon, the Star Killer base and God knows how many troops and personnel were destroyed by the Resistance? I can understand the First Order licking its wounds and eventually conquering the rest of the Republic and going after the Resistance - but not so damn soon. Not within a space of one or two days.
The time frame produced another problem. After Snoke had punished General Hux for the Resistance's destruction of the First Order's new starship, the Dreadnought; the general informed his leader that he had used a new tracking device to follow the Resistance fleet through hyperspace. How exactly did this happen? When did Hux find the time - between the First Order's defeat at Takodano, the destruction of the Star Killer's base and the Resistance's abandonment of their D'Qar base - to connect a tracking device to the Resistance convoy? When? I checked the Wookiepedia website on this hyperspace tracker, I discovered that it simply provided nothing more than a vague description. The website also failed to describe how Hux managed to have it planted in the first place. That is when I began to wonder if this tracking device was nothing more than a deus ex machina created by Johnson to keep the First Order on the heels of the Resistance fleet.
I have other problems regarding the First Order's pursuit of the Resistance. One, how did the Resistance's bomber fleets managed to drop bombs on the the dreadnought ship . . . in space . . . where there is no gravity? Would it have not been more sufficient for them to use the torpedo launchers of their X-wing fighter ships? Once the First Order managed to somewhat catch up with the Resistance fleet, it just basically kept its distance, while taking potshots at various Resistance ships; claiming that their enemy moved too fast for them to sufficiently destroy its convoy. What???? Did Hux fail to notice that the Resistance convoy was not particularly moving that fast? And whether the Resistance convoy was moving too fast or not, neither Hux, Snoke or Kylo Ren even bother to consider ordering part of the First Order's fleet to jump into light speed ahead of the Resistance . . . and box the latter into a trap?
Rian Johnson's handling of the Resistance proved to be equally problematic. A conflict has developed among the franchise's fans on who was right - General Leia Organa or Commander Poe Dameron - regarding the bombing of the First Order's dreadnought. Poe's determination to destroy the dreadnought led to the destruction of Resistance's bomber squad. On the other hand, if the dreadnought had continued to exist, who knows what would have hap . . . You know what? I do not give a shit one way or the other. I do not care. I found other things to complain about this story arc. I understood why Poe Dameron had blatantly ignored Leia's order to retreat at the movie's beginning. I do not understand why Paige Tico and the other bomber pilots did not follow her order. Surely, they had overheard Leia's retreat order over the fleet's communications system. And yet . . . like Poe, they ignored her order. And then we have Leia's "Mary Poppins"moment, after the bridge of her flagship was destroyed. You know . . . the scene in which she used the Force to float back to her ship, after she and Admiral Ackbar (we hardly knew you pal!) were blown into space. I cannot believe that one of my last visions of Carrie Fisher on the screen was that ludicrous moment. God!
After Leia became incapacitated, Vice-Admiral Holdo took command of the Resistance. Chances are that Poe and some other members of the Resistance would have refrained from staging a mutiny . . . and sending Finn and Rose Tico on that mission to Canto Bight, if Holdo had informed everyone about hers and Leia's plan to evade the First Order in thie first place. Only she did not. When she finally did, Poe and a few others dismissed it as cowardly and decided to stage a mutiny. This "mutiny" eventually led to Finn and Rose's mission to search for a master code breaker at the Canto Bight Casino. I have one or two problems with this scenario. One, I could not understand why Holdo kept the evacuation plans a secret for so long, since it did not require a "need-to-know" reason. And two, why did Holdo wait so long to set hers and Leia's plans in motion? Not only did I find this delay unnecessary, it allowed other factors in the story - Finn and Rose's Canto Bight mission to affect the actual evacuation. One could dismiss this as an example of Holdo's personality flaws. But the timing of this story arc makes it difficult for me to do this.
Leia and Holdo's evacuation plan and gas lighting of Poe were not the only problems I had with their characters. I also had a problem with their costumes. Do not get me wrong, I found the costumes designed by Michael Kaplan rather elegant and lovely. But I could not help but wonder why both women wore outfits suited for dinner reception, a party or even a political meeting (in the STAR WARS universe). Their outfits seemed unsuited for military commanders in the field . . . especially military commanders who were attempting to guarantee the survival of those under them, in the middle of a life or death situation. Was this Kaplan's attempt to outshine Trisha Biggar's designs from the Prequel Trilogy. Who knows? Who knows? His costumes worked in the Canto Bight casino scenes. But they simply did not work for Leia and Holdo, who were not in elegant situations like the casino during this film.
Speaking of the Canto Bight mission . . . I honestly do not know what to say. It was such a crap fest to me. The only aspect of that mission that I enjoyed were the visual designs for the sequence. Otherwise, this whole story arc was marred by bad writing. Poe's opposition to Holdo's evacuation plan led him to send Finn, Rose and BB-8 to find someone who could break the code to the First Order's tracking device, a master code breaker who hung out at the Canto Bight casino on Cantonica. So what happened? The pair landed their transport on a private beach and ended up getting arrested at the casino for illegal parking. Arrested . . . for illegal parking? Unable to contact the code breaker, due to being incarcerated behind bars, Finn and Rose met another prisoner named D.J., who claimed to be a code breaker. When he broke them out of jail, they recruited him to help the Resistance break the code . . . instead of returning to the casino in order to find the Master Code Breaker they had originally spotted. After the trio and BB-8 board Snoke's ship, the Supremacy; Finn and Rose are betrayed by D.J., who also spilled the Resistance's plans to escape from Leia's cruiser via cloaked transport ships. Except . . . wait. How in the hell did D.J. know about that plan? He could not have learned everything about it from Finn and Rose, who only knew that Holdo and Leia had plans to evacuate. But they knew nothing about the transport ships being cloaked or that Holdo planned to send the Resistance to Crait. Hell, not even Poe knew the specific details, until he woke up aboard one the transports after being stunned by Leia. How did D.J. learn about Leia and Holdo's complete plan?
I found something else rather odd about the Canto Bight mission. Finn and Rose were able to escape from Leia's cruiser undetected and head for Cantonica in a cloaked transport ship. This sounds strangely similar to Leia and Holdo's evacuation plan. I have already pointed out that the entire Resistance personnel could have done this and rendezvous at an arranged location a lot earlier in the story, instead of waiting until the last of the Resistance fleet was close to Crait. If Poe was able to help Finn and Rose slip away from both the Resistance convoy and the First Order fleet, why did he continue to oppose Leia and Holdo's evacuation plan. Why did Poe believe that the evacuation plan was so cowardly (eyeroll) that he set in motion that ridiculous Canto Bight mission? I mean . . . honestly, Finn and Rose's successful evasion of the First Order's fleet and the Resistance convoy should have made him realize that Holdo's plan - well, most of it - was pretty sound.
Another aspect of the Canto Bight story arc that I disliked was Rose's revelations about the casino's use of slave labor and the owners' profiting from the conflict between the Resistance and the First Order, as arms dealers. Apparently, this entire story arc was created by Johnson for Finn to learn a valuable lesson about greed and corruption, enabling him to understand about what the Resistance is fighting against and drop his "selfish" concerns about Rey. WHAT . . . UTTER . . . BULLSHIT!!! There was nothing wrong with Finn being concerned about Rey not walking into the current conflict between the Resistance and the First Order. And there was no need for him to learn any damn lesson. And I sure as hell did not appreciate watching Rose lecture Finn about the evils of corruption, let alone slavery. You know, originally I thought she and had been a former slave herself. Then I checked Wikipedia and discovered that Rose and her sister Paige had been smuggled off their homeworld by their parents, before they could be snatched by the First Order and forced into slavery. So, why did Johnson believe it was necessary for her to lecture Finn about slavery, when the latter had been enslaved by the First Order ever since he was an infant? If anyone was qualified to give that speech, it was Finn.
The Canto Bight sequence did not feature the only problematic scene between Finn and Rose for me. Another occurred during the Resistance's defense against an attack by the First Order at an old Rebel Alliance base on Crait, near the film's finale. In one scene, the remaining Reisistance fighters - which included Finn, Poe and Rose - charged at the incoming First Order forces in order to give the others time to make their escape. While the surviving fighters broke off from the charge, Finn decided to make a suicidal charge against the First Order siege cannon that threatened to break into the base. And guess what happened? Rose stopped Finn's charge. And what was her reason? Well . . . let me quote her:
"We're going to win this war not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love!"
What . . . in . . . the . . . hell??? Let me get this straight. According to Johnson, it was fine for Vice-Admiral Holdo to sacrifice herself to prevent the fleeing Resistance from being destroyed before they could reach Crait. But Finn was not allowed to sacrifice himself against the First Order's siege cannon, because . . . why again? Hatred? What made Rose believe that Finn's actions were all about hatred for the First Order? And when did Johnson convey the idea that Finn's suicidal charge was all about hatred on his part? And why did Johnson keep creating scenes that gave Rose an opportunity to lecture Finn for the slimmest of reasons? Or decide that she knew better than him? Were the Canto Bight casino and Crait scenes indicative of some racism on Johnson's part? Is he just another person who regards people of color, especially those of African descent, as childlike? I wonder.
Then we come to Rey's experiences with Luke Skywalker on Ahch-To. Most critics of "THE LAST JEDI" tend to focus most of their complaints about the Canto Bight mission. My strongest complaints against the film are all about Rey's experiences from start to finish. Judging from the first scene between Rey and Luke Skywalker, I got the impression that Johnson had written his own version of Luke’s first meeting with Yoda in "STAR WARS: EPISODE V - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK". Actually, this scene was one of many that seemed to remakes of those from the 1980 film and "STAR WARS: EPISODE VI - RETURN OF THE JEDI". I do not know how to describe Rey's first two days on Ahch-To. Unlike many other fans of the franchise, I had no problems with Luke tossing away his/Anakin's old lightsaber that he had lost on Bespin. As far as I am concerned, it should have remained lost. However, I noticed that Luke's initial rejection of Rey as a padawan struck me as a lot crueler than Yoda's initial rejection some thirty or so years before. Actually, I was not that impressed by the dynamic between Rey and Luke. I hate to say this, but Daisy Ridley and Mark Hamill's on-screen chemistry did not seem that interesting to me. There was another problem in this story arc. Rey ended up receiving very little training in the Force. How long did Luke train Rey? What? A few hours, before it was interrupted by Rey's discovery of the whole Luke-Kylo Ren mess? It seemed like it. There was one scene that featured Luke milking a rather . . . busty alien called Thala-Siren that just . . . I found this just as embarrassing as Leia's Mary Poppins moment. It did not help that the creature's udders resembled those of women. Oh God. Also . . . is it just me or Luke did not seem like himself? He seemed rather cynical, in compare to his younger self. And snarky. Luke seemed more like the younger Leia and Han . . . or Mark Hamill. I understand the circumstances that led Luke to his exile and how it may have emotionally damaged him. But his refusal to leave Ahch-To in order to help Leia . . . just did not feel right. I just cannot see him initially refusing to help his own sister, whose life was endangered.
But that was nothing, until the movie revealed what led to Luke's estrangement from his nephew, Kylo Ren. Rey learned from the latter that Luke had a vision of his nephew/padawan causing a great deal of destruction and briefly considered killing the sleeping Ben. Although he relented, Kylo/Ben woke up and spotted Luke with his lightsaber drawn. An enraged Ben killed Luke's loyal padawans in retaliation and joined the First Order, because he felt betrayed. Let me make this clear. I am aware that Luke is capable of terrible deeds or allowing his anger to get the best of him. These traits were apparent in both "STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE" and "RETURN OF THE JEDI" when Luke had engaged in bouts of murderous rage. But to deliberately contemplate murdering his own nephew, because he had visions of a destructive future from the latter or Snoke's influence? Luke Skywalker? I simply do not see it. He is not Obi-Wan Kenobi, who has proven to be not above doing or suggesting something terrible for the greater good. Luke has always struck me as the type who needed to have his emotional buttons pushed in order for him to commit a terrible deed.
While most detractors of "THE LAST JEDI" had a problem with Luke's characterization, I had an even bigger problem with Rey's . . . and the story arc she shared with Kylo Ren. What in the hell was Rian Johnson thinking? He managed to create another story arc that I believe was marred by the time span between "THE FORCE AWAKENS" and "THE LAST JEDI". The whole Rey-Kylo Ren story seemed wrong within the Sequel Trilogy's time frame. As I had earlier pointed out, not long after Rey had began her brief training into the Force under Luke, she discovered that some mental Force bond had developed between her and the man who nearly killed her, Kylo Ren aka Ben Solo. This . . . Force bond led Rey to discover what Luke had nearly did to Ren. And this, along with her telepathic conversations with Luke's nephew and visions of him being redeemed convinced Rey that it was necessary to travel to Snoke's ship, the Supremacy, and save Kylo Ren and convince him to give up evil; evoking memories of Luke's attempt to save his father, Anakin Skywalker, in "RETURN OF THE JEDI".
When I watched as Rey decided to travel into "the bowels of evil" in order to save an overprivileged and murderous man child from himself and Snoke, I could not help but indulge in a massive face palm. Or groan. This was just simply ridiculous to me. Was I really expected to accept that Rey had developed compassion or any other kind positive feelings for Kylo Ren two to three days after what he had tried to do to her in "THE FORCE AWAKENS"? Does anyone realize how unrealistic that is from an emotional point-of-view? After all, only two or three days had passed since Rey had witnessed or experienced the following in "THE FORCE AWAKENS":
\Kylo Ren kidnapped Rey during the First Order's attack on Takodana.* \As he had done earlier to Poe Dameron, Kylo Ren tried to violate Rey's mind in order to learn Luke's whereabouts, using telepathy. Only she managed to defend herself using the same method.* \Rey, Finn and Chewbacca witnessed Kylo Ren's murder of his father, Han Solo.* \Kylo Ren tried to injure or kill Rey by tossing her into a tree, near the Star Killer base.* \Kylo Ren maimed Finn during a light saber duel.* \Rey engaged in her own light saber duel against Kylo Ren, in which she managed to wound him.*
During Rey and Kylo Ren's telepathic interactions in "THE LAST JEDI", she managed to develop compassion for him. And I am at a loss at why she would do this over a person, who had caused so much harm to her and those she cared about . . . in such a short period of time. When Rey asked Kylo Ren why he murdered his father, the latter explained - in a scene in which he was shirtless (a massive eyeroll) - that trying to cut out any sense of emotional attachment. WHAT IN THE HELL???? That was his excuse? And she bought it? And when Rey questioned Kylo Ren's murder of Luke's loyal padawans, he revealed how Luke had contemplated on killing him. Never mind that I believed this did not jibe with Luke's personality. This was a lame excuse on Kylo Ren's part. Those padawans had not played a role in Luke's brief contemplation to commit murder. Those padawans had done nothing to Kylo Ren or anyone he may have cared about. And yet . . . Rey failed to continue questioning Kylo Ren's murders. She expressed anger at Luke's behavior, which I do not blame her. But she also decided to use this and Luke's reluctance to save his nephew as an excuse to surrender to Snoke in an effort to save Kylo Ren, someone who had wronged her and those whom she cared about . . . VERY RECENTLY. As far as Rey knew, Kylo Ren was not related to her and a long period of time had not passed between "THE FORCE AWAKENS" and "THE LAST JEDI".
Another problem seemed to manifest this story arc - namely Rey's visions of Kylo Ren's future. I am not claiming that he was redeemable. But did Rey ever consider that her visions had been manipulated in the first place? Did she ever consider that her telepathic bond was manipulated, which the movie later confirmed during Snoke's monologuing? I realize that Rey was somewhat naive. But considering her recent past experience with Kylo Ren attempting to violate her mind, she never considered that this might be another attempt? Or that he had successfully found a way to violate her mind and try to manipulate her? Apparently not. Instead, Rey simply jumped up and rushed to Snoke's ship in an effort to "save" Kylo Ren. It seemed obvious that Johnson had set up this whole scenario in order to plagiarize the Palpatine throne scene from "RETURN OF THE JEDI". Unfortunately for me, it failed on so many levels. Worse, it made Rey looked like "the Idiot of the Galaxy". This entire story arc struck me as incredibly stupid.
One could say that Rey's stupidity in the above scenario finally erased the Mary Sue label from her character. Perhaps. There was also the fact that in compare to Snoke, her mastery of the Force was a joke. He handled her like a toy doll in the Supremacy throne room sequence. And yet, she was able to master the Force with easy in other scenes. The movie's novelization, written by Jason Fry, explained that the telepathic connection that Rey had unexpectedly formed with Kylo Ren enabled her to learn his skills with the Force. In other words, Rey is the "STAR WARS" version of Chuck Bartowski from the NBC series, "CHUCK". For me, this was one of the most idiotic and lazy piece of writing that I have ever encountered in a movie or novel. To make matters works, the movie's ending revealed that Rey had stolen Luke's ancient Jedi texts. This seemed to be a hint that she will continue her Jedi studies using those texts. Jesus Christ! This scenario had failed when an Extended Universe (EU) novel used it to explain Luke's development of his Force skills in "RETURN OF THE JEDI" after failing to return to Yoda on Dagobah for more training. This scenario strikes me as even more ludicrous, considering that Rey's actual training lasted a hell of a lot shorter than Luke's.
Rey also continued to display her Force skills in a lightsaber fight scene that featured her and Kylo Ren against Snoke's guards. However, since the latter were not Force users, I would equate this scene with Obi-Wan Kenobi's duel against General Grievous in "STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH". Utterly irrelevant. And to be honest, both Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver seemed like more proficient duelists in a You Tube video clip that featured them practicing the fight than they did in the movie. Whoever handled the lightsaber choreography for this film need more lessons on how to stage a fight between swordsmen.
Before Rey had made her escape from Snoke's starship, Kylo Ren revealed to her that her parents were two-bit junk dealers on Jakku, who had sold her into slavery for drinking money. He did this in an effort to emotionally isolate her and manipulate her into serving his desires. Now, if what he said about Rey's parents are true, who had abandoned Rey on Jakku and left the planet? If the people who had abandoned Rey on Jakku were her parents, then they had sold her for more than drinking money. Also, how and when did Rey ceased to be a slave? I read somewhere that Rian Johnson made Rey unrelated to the Skywalker family because he wanted to move the saga away from them. When I heard this . . . Jesus Christ! Do Disney and Lucasfilm even know what what the hell they are doing? If the main protagonists for the Sequel Trilogy are not supposed to be members of the Skywalker family, then why . . . regard . . . this . . . particular . . . trilogy as part of the Skywalker Family Saga in the first damn place? Why not simply regard this trilogy as something other than a part of the Skywalker family saga and utilize characters from the previous two trilogies as minor supporting characters - like 2016's "ROGUE ONE"?
There were other characterizations that proved problematic to me. Many of the saga's fans had complained about Snoke's death and the fact that his background was never revealed or explored. I had no problem with this for two reasons. One, Palpatine's background was never revealed until the Prequel Trilogy. Unless Lucasfilm plans to release films that featured Snoke's backstory or the rise of the First Order, I must admit that as a character, he was a waste of time. And two, I am not a fan of Snoke. Despite Any Serkis' excellent voice performance, Snoke struck me a ham-fisted and one-dimensional version of Palpatine. I could blame J.J. Abrams, who created the character in the first place. But the real blame lies on Rian Johnson's shoulders, who had transformed the character from a somewhat mysterious villain to a one-dimensional remake of one of the best movie villains I have ever seen on screen.
Captain Phasma has to be one of the most wasted characters I have ever encountered in the science-fiction/fantasy genre. This character, who happened to be commander of the First Order’s stormtroopers, had less development than some of the one-shot villains in the saga. Hell, even General Grievous, whom I have always harbored a low opinion, was better written than her. Poor Gwendoline Christie. It was bad enough that Abrams wasted her character in “THE FORCE AWAKENS” by failing to show her in action. When she was finally featured in an action sequence in “THE LAST JEDI” - a control baton duel against Finn aboard Snoke’s ship - she was quickly killed off. And she was dispatched rather fast, due to . . . you know what? I do not know. I do not know why Johnson had shortened the Finn/Captain Phasma duel to such a ridiculously short length. I have come to the conclusion that Phasma was, in the end, a wasted character. If there was a character even more wasted than Captain Phasma, it was Admiral Ackbar, who had also appeared in both “RETURN OF THE JEDI” and “THE FORCE AWAKENS”. The Mon Calamari military commander was unceremoniously killed by the same blast that nearly killed Leia . . . before he even had the opportunity to utter a line. God, what a waste! Although Chewbacca was utilized more than Admiral Ackbar, his character had been reduced to a comic relief arc and a species called the Porg on Ach-To and Rey’s personal chauffeur. Despite having more screen time, poor Chewbacca proved to be wasted just as much as Phasma and Ackbar.
A relative of mine had pointed out that what made "THE LAST JEDI" unique was that it featured how the theme of failure in a STAR WARS movie. Others had pointed out that Rian Johnson managed to present a movie with a subversive narrative. I say bullshit to that. "THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK" was the first STAR WARS movie that featured the failures of its protagonists. It was also the first film that subverted the mythos of the saga that Lucas had created. And guess what? The Prequel Trilogy was basically one long saga on how Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi and the Galactic Republic failed themselves. Also, the last third of "RETURN OF THE JEDI", the Prequel Trilogy and "ROGUE ONE" were other movies that subverted the saga's mythos. Rian Johnson had not created anything new. Not really. Also, both George Lucas and Gareth Edwards did all of this with better writing.
There were aspects of "STAR WARS: EPISODE VIII - THE LAST JEDI" that impressed me. I thought the film's performances from a cast led by Mark Hamill, Daisy Ridley and John Boyega were either competent or first-rate. And I was more than impressed by the movie's production values. But overall, I found "THE LAST JEDI" to be a major disappointment. And a great deal of this disappointment came from Rian Johnson's screenplay - both the film's narrative and characterizations. In fact, I dislike this film a lot more than I did "STAR WARS: EPISODE VII - THE FORCE AWAKENS". I understand that J.J. Abrams, who had directed the Sequel Trilogy's first film, will direct its third and final movie, "EPISODE IX". Even if this movie proved to be enjoyable, I do not think it can save this new trilogy as a whole. After two very disappointing movies, the STAR WARS Sequel Trilogy has proven to be a disaster in my eyes.